Which Bastard From DFS Are You?

You really don't want to know. This knowledge can do you nothing but harm.
But you love quizzes so you're gonna do it anyway, aren't you!

Okay, first thing's first:
Where did you ideally wake up this morning?

A motel full of interesting characters.

A house that I've paid off the mortgage on.

Doesn't matter, as long as I had fun last night.

In a bed with my partner and our 20 rescue dogs.

Wherever my family is!

My buddy's couch, preferably NOT hungover this time.

Wanna go to Denny's for breakfast?

HELL YEAH I WANT A GRAND SLAM

French toast with strawberries.

Coffee and a muffin.

Eh, this stuff's a little greasy for me. Do you have a steak?

Everything omelette.

Flapjacks, real maple syrup, and whatever you got that I can use to make a little smiley face.

People always tell you you're too...

Quiet

Violent

Short

Stressed

Tolerant

Intimidating

What's your biggest fear?

I'm really scared of "none of your fucking business".

Uhhh, dying probably?

Bills.

I can never tell if I have one of those.

Breaking something.

Oh, so many things. You want the list?

Have you ever consumed raw human flesh?

Um... no.

WHO TOLD YOU!?

Y'know, I just never seem to find the time.

No, but I would if I could. (I'm a little twisted.)

It's okay, but I've had better.

Have you?

What are your fandoms?

I don't know, the Bible?

I like to watch the Red Wings.

Daniel Clowes.

Harley Davidson!

These pins on your bag are all from cartoons? But... aren't you old enough to have a job?

Jesus Christ, go outside.

If you were a deadly animal, what would you be?

Alligator

Eagle

Shark

Raccoon

Wolf

Sasquatch

Some guy from town cuts you off in traffic... and he doesn't even act sorry!
Your revenge:

Run that asshole off the road!

Fume about it for months until I recognize him at the grocery store and cuss him out.

Start a rumor that he illegaly parks in handicap spaces.

"Forget" to numb him during his next root canal.

Follow him home and have some fun.

Have my friend scare the shit out of him.

Pick a:

Eagle

Shark

Raccoon

Wolf

Sasquatch

Pick a vibe:

Strong trees, tall hedges, closed curtains, lawn keeping the mailman at arm's length, long drives, lemon cleaning products, spectres and regrets

Dinged hardwood, motor oil and burnt metal, mud, scratchy blankets, a river of controlled chaos, knowing without a doubt that you belong

Early mornings, idling truck motors, hugging yourself through your jacket, things crossed out in pen, bumming a cigarette even though you "quit"

Sun adrenaline followed by chronic emptiness, affect, watching the sun come up,