December 31, 2022
FUZZY LOGIC Part Three
SATURDAY
Back to tabling! I MET SOME PUPPETS:
I think their names were Alejandro and "Cat"? Somehow their owners hadn't named the white one, which I think is borderline puppet abuse. I kindaaa squealed a lot and told Cat I loved it.
Scotch decided she wanted a deer tail so I went out looking for one. Hers ended up being from Dio!
More disorganization on the convention's side: They tried to do a nice thing! The staff wanted to feed the dealers and close down the den to give us a break. Thing is... they closed the den before the food was even ordered. And it wasn't custom orders, either, just catering. So we kinda just sat there doing no business for an hour before the scared tiger mask guy came and announced that food was on its way.
Yeah, people were pissed. Good thing the three had Indian leftovers from last night and the edible spoons I'd brought in a fit of over-preparedness. Our friend Peri also gifted us some mini muffins like a good Con Dad.
Another event I was determined not to miss was the dance competition. Who wouldn't want to see what dancing in a fursuit looks like? I knew that these were kind of a big deal, cos I'd seen people on Twitter sharing their moves and talking about practicing a lot. But I never anticipated that they would be SO popular. That room was PACKED.
And once it gets going, you kinda see why. It's really entertaining watching people dance in full suit. Legwork is obviously pretty limited, so a lot of it goes into making big arm gestures and picking tracks that complement the personality of your suit.
It's really cute. This was one of the times I started to tear up, because I was just so fuckin' happy for everyone expressing themselves.
My photos suck. Here's a whole playlist of the performers!
I also couldn't believe Soren Sky didn't get a nod?? The ATHLETICISM! I also really loved seeing Chevvy and Orion move!
Kire DID get first place, but I'm not convinced he was the best dancer. Extremely fun acting and presentation, though.
Also, like. I'm not usually into furries, but. His suit was kinda giving me the vapors.
I caught him later in the lobby and told him his suit was hot, so he offered me a hug and recognized me as the person wearing a flight suit, which I guess he also owns one of?? I guess it's for a character costume he didn't bring. So that's the closest I've ever been to becoming a groupie.
I think that happened around the time a girl in a really amazing pig suit came up and started talking to us. She was very confident, sweet and funny! She told us a story about how a little girl at the grocery store saw her in suit, pointed at her exposed skin and told her "YOU'RE NOT REAL!"
Temporary elevator art installation; shoutout to Neocities user 469.
I think this was the night we went out to dinner with our new buds Peri and Jay and a few other people. This was our second night in a row at the Indian restaurant two (freezing) blocks away-- I definitely had a problem with powerwalking ahead of everyone to get out of the cold. I DON'T KNOW HOW EVERYONE COULD STAND IT...
At dinner, I got to flip through Peri's sketchbook and was blown away by every page. That dude should do a dragon encyclopedia. At some point he said "hold on, I've been thinking this all night--" and before he could show me his phone I asked him "are you looking up a picture of Kate McKinnon" and he snatched his phone back, haha.
He apologized way more than he had to, cos honestly? I know I'm asking for it every time I wear a jumpsuit. Imagine getting tired of being compared to a funny famous pretty lady.
After we got back, I snuck out to a rave. I figured I should see what the big deal is about THIS kinda dancing, and also: Thraytin was DJing!
I don't "get" raves, so this was very out of my comfort zone. I had no confidence that I would like it at all. For the first 30 minutes I stood in the back, but I felt like an asshole just watching everybody. Eventually I worked up to bumping my hip and started to get it. It's like... you're all in a big bass-powered womb. If you let it get to you, it becomes hypnotic and you can even get a little high from it.
There was also the emotional aspect of being around so many beautiful dorks who were wearing their favorite clothes and feeling comfortable in their own skin. Eventually you can get euphoric enough to accept a hug from a sweaty fursuit. I even "got" the concept of glowsticks for a minute there... very interesting.
Around the time I was at the rave, I guess someone got angry-drunk, punched their hotel room window, and rained glass into the lobby! OOPS. Though apparently the glass should have been safety glass and not come apart in giant dagger-chunks.
But yeah, that kinda put a damper on things for people. Niko had to cancel his Late Show panel where he was gonna sing! You hate to see a grown man disappointed.
SUNDAY
Back to tabling on the final day. Morale is kinda low, we aren't selling much, and we're ready to pack up. Then Peri hands me some CONTRABAND-- a weasel sketch in a badge holder! MY FIRST CHARACTER BADGE!!
Colin also decided he wanted some art at the last minute. Thank god SilverStarStrike came in clutch with a fast and elegant portrait!
Okay, so. The final event. The raffle and auction.
The con books never showed up, so people didn't know there was a raffle. I didn't think to check out the raffle. So that's why most of the raffle winners were staff. A lot of the items were okay for me to miss, like art supplies, anime DVDs, and basic furry paraphenalia... but um.
Then they started bringing out the vintage stuff.
There was an old CD-ROM game. An old furry TTRPG book. There was an XL sexy dog lady shirt from like 1992.
There was...
3 longboxes...
Of vintage furry comics and zines.
Like, real 90s-2000s shit. All bagged and boarded.
I'm seriously tearing up thinking about it now.
Clyde and I both walked up to the front and poked through it. We wanted it SO BAD. It felt like the part in a movie. He threatened to fight me for it. I said "let's go halfsies" but by the time we sat back down the bid was over $700. There was no way I could justify fighting over that.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH...... it went to some old guy who quietly snuck away with them. That greedy son of a bitch better spend the next 6 months scanning those things.
...anyway. At least Scotch's charity piece sold for like $250. That was around when things initially started getting heated, right after someone auctioned off a joke scribble for like $30.
And then... they started auctioning off pieces of glass.
Oh my GOD. Yes, those went for absurd sums. I don't wanna think about whether that was legal.
Overall? Really fun experience. It was nice having people laugh and throw around money (for a dog charity). I think they also handed a big cheque to an LGBT one, too! Aside from meeting and losing the love of my life, it was a great note to end the con on.
Afterward, I met the person who bought a bunch of original art in the auction, including art by Scotch and Thraytin! I followed her when she went to request a badge version of Thraytin's badge art and we got to talking about how she runs an anime con and really wants to be a part of this one, too. She was very friendly, but the unwavering enthusiasm and big spending kinda gave me "irresponsible" vibes.
She let me take a shot of Thraytin's art with the badge, and then asked me to introduce her to Scotch so she could buy her a drink. I went back upstairs to pack, but after I left they talked, had a nice time, and uhh... she used Scotch's taser on herself and scared the shit out of people in the bar.
Called it.
Anyway it all turned out fine, Niko calmed everybody down and doled out fatherly forgiveness. Just a funny story, ultimately. Also apparently that taser ain't shit.
MONDAY
Monday morning we headed out! Unfortunately I missed the staff wrap-up meeting with all the good gossip... that's what I get for having a responsible bedtime. Scotch definitely filled me in, though. Man, this con had EVERY kind of attendee drama. I'm impressed with how the staff handled it, considering! I also found out who was having sex with who, ew.
The last furry thing I did was borrow this horrible mass-produced panda head Scotch bought at the auction. It was like I was a whole other person......
Postmortem:
I think like with most things, you get out of a furry con what you put in to a furry con. I decided to go into this embracing as many new opportunities as possible. I wanted to see the suits, attend the events, and basically chat with anyone who would give me the time of day. This was a very good way to approach things, because that's what everyone else was doing, too.
Furries are just happy to be with other furries. It was like joining a village for a weekend. It's not like an anime convention where the only thing you have in common is that you all worship the same franchise. These people are creators, and they're FRIENDS. They're not only here to connect socially, they also sell each other art and crafts because no one else is stepping up to do it. We don't have a lot of subcultures like that right now, so this was really beautiful to experience. There's so many little stories I left out. The teenage girls with a pile of leis. The Twitter bot that took pictures of the lobby. The guys I talked to about Roko's Basilisk. So many people did so many little things to make that weekend special.
I think if you get the chance to attend a furry con, you absolutely should. Especially a small con like this, and especially with someone who knows some people. I'm really frickin' glad I checked it out.
December 30, 2022
Fuzzy Logic PART TWO
Long-delayed continuation of my extended weekend at my first furry con.
FRIDAY
First true con day!
Dealer's dens are SO my jam. I love setting up displays, observing buyer behavior patterns, scoping out what other people are doing. I love having a job to do and having a structure for conversation. I feel like I was born for this.
So we were in the main dealer's room, but also the most hidden one. The NSFW one was closer to the main action of the hotel, but it also smelled really funky. And out in front of both of those was the artist's alley. Over the weekend we would hear we were hard to find, but overall it was a pretty nice space. And our table was right at the front door!
There were stalls selling paws and tails and suit heads, badges and fursuit accessories (like little signs saying whether you're chill with hugs or not), original traditional art, shirts, zines, pins and prints, sexy dakimakuras and titty mousepads, even a more Etsycore shop selling rocks and crochet possums, and a whole stall for vintage video game cartridges.
Now that I had tail jealousy, I had my head on a retail-oriented swivel... but alas, no weasel tails. So then I started obsessing over paw gloves with claws, but $100+ was a lot to pay for something I don't know if I'd ever wear again. There were some simpler mitteny ones available for $25, but am I a mitten person? Probably not.
Bri got me a second badge identifying me as a deale, and also a lei that I never wanted to take off!
Den communication was a iiiittle disorganized. There was a volunteer fella in a tiger covid mask who kept acting terrified and yelling "not my words!" updates at us. When I got back from an errands run the whole den was still setting up but had left the doors wide open, so people kept walking in and trying to shop. I elected to sit in front of the door and head regular people off.
One guy started to talk to me...
I shot Scotch a look, so I think he knew we weren't super impressed by that behavior and he did apologize later. Then I didn't see him again all weekend.
Then I read in the dealer chat later that he got in a fight with the security guard and got expelled from the hotel?? Oh my god. Apparently the guard was insulting people's art and wouldn't wear a mask (per den rules) and then followed the guy outside on a smoke break. Anddd the hotel sided with security. So I'm not impressed with the Armon, either. (I heard the staff acted like total mean girls toward people in-suit, from rude comments ("I heard y'all hurt people") to earning allegations of groping??? SUPER unprofessional and mismanaged.)
....ANYWAY, we didn't know all that was going on so we had a great time in the den.weird den drama
Me (interrupting): Oh, the den isn't open yet!
Him: ...I'm a dealer.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. I just got so used to other people trying to come in.
and he gave me the bitchiest "I was just trying to ask a question" I've ever gotten from a middle-aged man.
There was always something to talk about! People came up and complimented the art, or had on costumes I could ask questions about, and there were also these themed Mystery Boxes people were carrying around that drove me nuts until I started asking people to show me what was inside. (Mostly furry dakis/mousepads/stickers of random characters. Maybe leftover stock that didn't sell?)
Scotch asked people on Twitter to bring her Halloween Haribos in exchange for art. Some arrived more... incorporated than others.
When I got the chance, I scoped out the artist's alley cos I didn't wanna leave without getting some custom art. @pantymime's paintings were a big standout in color, style, souvenir appeal, and I think they were like $50 each? So pretty damn appealing. Plus she was fun to talk to, sly but in a friendly way. Her partner liked my SPAY OR NEUTER button so I also gave 'em one of those. Then a gal hanging around their table followed me back to the den and bought one for herself! ADVERTISING.
TABLING LESSONS:
- Price matters! Our pricing started out too high ($5 for 3" stickers... not my idea) and shit didn't sell. Thankfully I anticipated this and brought supplies for us to edit the price menu the next day.
- People tended to gloss over dark, moody paintings in favor of the brighter, simpler art on the table. Variety is key!
- Another reason the stickers didn't sell? I made the table too busy. People were looking straight down at the flat table and not seeing anything propped-up. As soon as I subtracted decor, moved the sticker display down, and put another price menu right next to it, people were suddenly a lot more motivated to buy.
- People like free stuff! I left out mini buttons of my weasel and I was surprised by how many people actually grabbed one, even knowing nothing about me.
- The gals offered $5 sketches, which were not only INSANELY POPULAR, but also severely undercut everyone in the artist's alley. They do really attractive work really fast, and it's worth way more than what they were charging! Their solution was to add "PWYW" to the $5. Luckily, some furries are very generous. Bri got to draw a dragon fucking a gazelle.
I like how con PSAs just randomly showed up. Does this happen at all of them? I also liked how people all decided to use the communal lobby tables for business cards and flyers. Somebody put little bags of dollar store treats out at some point, too. I got a Pokemon card, some candy, and a pride button made so cheaply that it didn't survive the process of being pinned to someone's jacket. Equality!
Match Game show event. Audience members were asked a question and had to anticipate what the panel of special guests would answer. Mostly a lot of furry sex jokes. The event host is I guess a horror voiceover Youtuber who's popular with the kids-- very cool 4-eyed greaser cat suit!
The perils of follow-me eyes.
I bought a sketchbook specifically for a Sketchbook Swap panel, which I forgot to attend. Huge bummer. But turned out to be super handy to have during slow periods! In retrospect, it was silly of me not to bring a book to a con where half the people there draw...
I DID manage to attend the panel on vintage furry zines, which was a really cool summary of someone's collection:
Originally "furry" encompassed a wider amount of fantasy concepts, like centaurs. Featuring that one lady whose name I forget who draws the WWII centaurs (the speaker says she's actually chill, which is the vibe I always got).
Apparently they used to call furries "skunkfuckers". Amazing that you can be forced to share space with other nerd cons but still be the low man on the totem pole.
SFW Zine Stuff
Furry porno zines were a lot more diverse too, also due to being more obscure. The speaker noted there wasn't much categorization for specific fetishes, you just bought a booklet and worked with what you got.
I remember that approach to niche art fondly, cos it meant you would spend a lot of time poring over something that really resonated you. Pieces from that time got burned into people's brains.
I guess at one point a zine editor complained IN THE ZINE about how much gay content there was, and the above is a snippet of the "sorry not sorry" editorial after the outrage. Dude kinda even compared himself to Harlan Ellison.
Below, a satirical comic making fun of the editor for being scared of gay furry porn.
Zines should go back to having activity pages, imo. And come with a pack of crayons.XXX Zine Stuff
December 10, 2022
Fuzzy Logic PART ONE
Oh man, I put off writing this for awhile. I've already recounted all the stories about it over and over and I'm not wild about doing it again. But if I don't get down every detail I'm afraid I'll lose 'em. And I really treasure these memories of my first furry convention.
So right after Portland, I unpacked, packed again, and was back out the door to attend Furpoqalypse.
(Which I'll be misspelling some particulars of on purpose, to avoid Google indexing.)
Furpoq is a Halloween-themed furcon in CT, and this year it was conveniently situated right near the NY/Pennsylvania border. The event is still having some growing pains (previously locked into contract with a hotel that was more mold than building). But it has a lot of heart, and it isn't owned by a major corp like some cons. And best of all-- my friends were involved in the art department, which meant I could mooch off of their comped expenses!
I'd never been to a furry con before! Kinda not sure I ever wanted to? I don't love mixing real life with online. But I figured I'd be stupid to say no to the chance to gawk, ogle, and audition my wares at the Dealer's Den.
To be completely honest: From a social standpoint, I went into this REALLY cynical. Like, yeah, I've been around furries my whole life, and some would say I'm indistinguishable from them in all ways except nominally. While they used to be one of the most hated subcultures even among other online losers, I've now seen enough con photos to know that some furries look like your average athletic hypebeast college kids. But for the most part, I wasn't expecting much good to go down. I was bracing myself for a weekend of dismal social skills, being talked over, and unpleasant smells.
Reader, I am ashamed of my prejudice.
So we arrived at the hotel on Wednesday night.
The Armon is a pretty swank-looking hotel, with a gorgeous big lobby and tons of seating. It looks like a miniature city in there. Paths have treelawns to resemble sidewalks, and there's space for a restaurant and bar, plus a gazebo and some glittery modernist light fixtures. The elevators are all glass and mirrors (kinda hard to correct a wedgie in there) and the walls are lined with windows to interior hotel rooms. Everything about this place encourages human interaction, or at least some heavy voyeurism. Architecturally, it's a fantastic convention space.
However. Some of the signage looks a little worn, communication between the hotel and the con staff is a little disjointed, and there is a PERVASIVE mildew smell. It's overpowering and kinda embarrassing. We're later informed that the restaurant and bar were closed just last month. The con is already off to a bumpy start with having to stock their own bar. Luckily, this hotel is a 5 minute walk from a whole-ass grocery store, a craft store, a donut shop, and tons of other chains. This amount of walkability is virtually unheard-of in MY corner of midwest America. So, aside from some comments other attendees made about having to play Frogger on the streets that sorely lacked pedestrian crossings, I felt perfectly able to take care of myself.
We got here before almost anyone else, so we find a place in the lobby for Scotch to work on her charity auction piece. Soon she's approached by the head of the art department, Thraytin-- who is, no kidding, a nervous cartoon pocket protector-style nerd come to life. I'd compare him to a Rick Moranis character, or Brad from Rocky Horror. He's clean, polite, and probably the most easily-flustered person I've ever met. I want him to show me his work and his fursona(s)-- he keeps saying "oh my goodness" with a full-body shudder like he's riding a mechanical bull, but he's still game to tell me all about himself. I find him very cute and likable.
Perfect first furry encounter. Scotch is snickering, I've already met someone I wanna see more of, and as far as I can tell that was a positive and entertaining interaction for everybody.
Next we meet the director, Niko. I'm always wary of guys who give themselves nicknames, parental ones doubly so. But despite deeming himself "dad", he's demonstrably a pretty welcoming and generous guy. I sense an ego, but he definitely has a sense of humor about it. He offers a hug but I'd rather not embrace some man I just met, so he offers a fist-bump instead. This is where I start to get the vibe that people here are gonna be more physical in their expressions of affection and if I wanna do the real Jane Goodall-type work, I might wanna try to go with the flow a little more.
The next part of the crew I meet is Clyde, who has a vibe I love at first sight. She reminds me of people my youngest sister would be friends with, basement show rocker kinda look-- and hey, she's even from the same parts of Ohio! Kinda quiet, but seems to have a lot going on under the ol' trucker hat. She also did all the sign art for the con! Look at this nifty Scooby Doo vibe:
UNFORTUNATELY, the con booklets that give a full itinerary of events/where they're at never arrived in time (due to issues with the printing company). They got replaced with flyers with QR codes that I'm not sure most people ever scanned. This would cause some logistical problems, obviously, but also a bummer cos Scotch did some swanky cover art for it. Supposedly they're gonna send them out to attendees later on?
We also met up with Flare, the IT guy, who is small and flat-affectation'd and quick to point out inconsistencies with no malice-- so, an IT guy. Flare also apparently really likes to fuck. He has a fursona hoodie with a tail (which is very fun to swish around) and two suits-- one bondage-themed, somehow-- and had a lot of tips on upkeep. I guess you can order your suit without foam padding, which makes it machine-washable! ...and now that I think about this more, I wish I wasn't thinking about it.
Anyway, we went to Thray/Flare/Clyde's room to watch Flare suit up. I think this is where I said something to make Thraytin blush again and Scotch said she likes to bring me places because I'm a "chaos demon", which basically seems to mean that I'm nosy. Flare said he needs a new suit cos his is getting small for him, and gave me my first fursuit hug. Soft!
The crew skipped back to the main hotel to present the first suiter of the con. Upon meeting, Niko brought us a hard-shell case he found and asked us to guess what was in it. "A bomb", mostly. I guessed "Bad Dragons."
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It turned out to belong to one of the con staff. I uhhh hope somebody got some good use out of it, I guess?
We packed into the boys' car to go to a diner. I mainly remember: 1) Flare giving the server directions long before they would be relevant, 2) talking about Ohio and pokeweed, and 3) decent pancakes with cold butter. Ooh, and Scotch introduced her tradition of passing a sketchbook around the table and making everyone draw themselves. A nice li'l chance to get to know each other.
THURSDAY
The next day, registration was due to open after noon. That's when we started seeing people start rolling in. People... of the con-goer variety.
This is another reason it pays to have friends on staff. Skipping the line, babyyy.
When Scotch signed me up, I gave her an off-the-cuff list of all-caps names to put on my badge. This was my second-favorite choice, after "BANNED FOR LIFE". NOT ACTUALLY DEAD came in handy when multiple people used it as a conversation starter while standing around awkwardly in elevators and at tables. (I recognized one of those people later while scrolling the con's twitter tags. Turned out to be a diaper fetishist. FIRST CON HORROR!)
My philosophy with this event was to pretend I knew as little about furry culture as possible without outright lying. I was just gonna go around asking questions about everything. I didn't want people knowing my username, I didn't want to be seen as an artist-- I just wanted to be Some Chick that nobody knew or expected anything from. And it was... really, really good for my self-esteem to be embraced like I was, just on first impressions. (And being friends with a guest of honor. Shhh.)
This also worked out great because it freed me from any pretense. I didn't have to make sure my actions were in line with what someone would expect of my usual choices or my online "brand". Kinda like wearing a fursuit, the anonymity made me less self-conscious and more adventurous.
Speaking of, seeing people start to roll in with their luggage and suits... I started to get a little envious of people's tails. At one point going down the elevator, I saw a guy sit down by doing a hip check to move his tail out of the way. A hypnotic display of raw booty power.
Another perk to being friends with the GOH: nobody questions you running around behind the scenes. This might also be due to the hotel's lax security-- more on that later. But anyway, here's some neat shots of the back of the house we got while exploring. If we were bolder we woulda gone past the Employees Only sign into the old restaurant's kitchen area, which the con staff would later learn had not been cleaned or maintained in any way. Fun!
As the kids say: l i m i n a l s p a c e s
Whew, this is gonna be big. Stay tuned for the weekend!
October 19, 2022
PORTLAND DAYS 4-5: up and out
Our final full day in Portland got off to a slow start. It was Sunday, so half of us wanted to watch football. I guess there was an NFL game in London? The stadium looked pretty packed, but I don't know how many of those were actually Europeans. Apparently the cheering is all over the place because there's no home team, haha.
The rest of us went out and got coffee (I got a "chocolate milk" that tasted like skim with cocoa powder floating on top... I think I got ripped off) and to look at the stores that weren't open last night.
Great store name #2.
Jaq says there's a local artist who sells paintings of slow animals, and the fact that they end up on poles and in yards is purely on the customer. I also saw a manatee and a snail.
Stopped in a plant store where the party line was "Ugh, if only that could fit in my luggage..."
I was amused by this music shop's Ukelele Containment Room. They even had bass ukeleles with fat rubbery strings.
There's a craft store chain here called Collage that's pretty nifty! Big placard out front saying to use they/them pronouns when in doubt. Inside was a neat mix of useful supplies, trendy kits, and rummage boxes of tiny trinkets. Most notable is the wall of washi tape, which... I don't use washi tape for much besides covering my computer cameras, but the shiny-colorful-illusion-of-usefulness can't be denied. I got a red one with anatomically-correct hearts because it reminded me of Prime Motivator's vellum liner notes. Also a small wooden ruler shaped like a cat.
Great store name #3. Kinda bummed I couldn't convince anyone to go in here, but it would have been just to poke fun at the self-seriousness... we are not weed people.
We checked out a few feministy-twee places, which are very my jam because they tend to like bright colors and animals. I found a crate of these journals made of old books, which I was HIGHLY ENTICED BY until I remembered that drawing in a fancy sketchbook makes me feel like I'm defacing 5000-year-old cave art.
We also stopped in a basement shop called Catlady-something that was aggressively rock-n-roll themed. Love any place with a wall of cowboy boots.
PORTLAND STREETS ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑
Vibrant and friendly, with tons to look at. The sentiment about crime is very "this store does not carry cash" and "witches will curse you for stealing from our small business". I'm honestly most excited to come back and try all the food spots!
When we were done shopping, everyone packed into the cars to head to the mountains.
Multnomah Falls was the most touristed-out thing we did the whole trip. Which is wild, because it's kind of a brutal hike. Less than a trail proper, it's more of a long, uneven wheelchair ramp-- a steep set of zig-zags carved into the side of the mountain, mostly without railings. On the scary side, it overlooks a beautiful river and the state of Washington. In terms of forward-facing scenery, it resembles a cattle chute into an abbatoir.
So yeah, it was really weird seeing people show up like they'd just come out of an Applebee's. I saw people from all over the world, of all ages, speaking all kinds of languages, and in all modes of dress. One asian guy near the bottom was shirtless (and ripped) under a shrugged-off suit jacket, like he was waiting for a photographer. Tons of little kids. Another lady was going up in business casual and dress flats??? Jesus Christ. I pray for her heels.
Halfway up the trail we found this abandoned stroller. We have no idea how it got this far... in either direction.
3/4ths up, a sweetheart of a guy with basically-my-haircut said "your hair looks nice!", which made my day after stumbling up a buncha rocks. I should have said "you too", haha.
After the final "switchback" random people start saying "you're almost there!", and then the path shifts downward, which is very relieving on the knees. When you finally arrive at the top of the waterfall, it's... a little underwhelming, honestly? Maybe I'd get more out of it if I liked heights. Then you just turn around and go back. (Unless you first need to retrieve the other half of your that party went ahead and got lost on an even longer trail.)
Multnomah finds a way to capitalize on the foot traffic. Back at the bottom of the falls, there's a cobblestone snack bar heralded with a giant picture of a swirl soft serve cone. Obviously advertising works, and we were all craving one. My sister tried to balk at the $4.75 price tag, but her boyf told her that "soft serve is worth $20 to me right now."
Yeah, that hit the spot. Not the best ice cream, but the most dependable.
OH, and the path to the parking lot is UNDER A VERY BUSY RAILROAD. The first time we went under, the whole thing felt very rickety and wrong despite the apparent sturdiness of the engineering. I opted to wait the train out on the second go-through, ha.
MULTNOMAH FALLS ⭑⭑⭑
Crowded and not terribly interesting. Adjacent to other trails that probably have more to offer. Gets a point for ice cream.
For dinner, a lot of people still had Ranch pizza left over but uhhh weren't wild about it. We ended up getting PDX Sliders, which offers two sizes of every burger. Holy fuck their pulled pork with arugula and red pepper is fucking SEXYYYYYYYYY, is there cumin in there? There's definitely some southwestern spices going on. Oh no, now I want one again.
PDX SLIDERS ⭑⭑⭑⭑
GOOD JOB
The next morning, we got up at the crack of dawn to make it on the plane home. I did not think ahead and had to use a plane's bathroom for the first time in my life.
I'm told the blue light means I didn't close the door correctly. I assumed it was to make the experience as unpleasant as possible so people wouldn't have sex in there.
It was very weird. I may have forgotten to flush.
Anyway, Colin was waiting to drive me home like the beautiful creature he is and we both gushed/complained about our week and how much we missed each other's sanity.
PORTLAND ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑
You have good food and nice people. I'll be back.
Aaaaand now that I've caught my breath, I have to pack for a furry convention.
October 15, 2022
PORTLAND DAY 3: out to market
Before you read this one, I'd like for you to open this song in your browser. This was playing in Psychic Sister and it nearly made me boogie myself into an asylum.
My firmest request when we were planning stuff to do was to visit a Weird Donut Place. I wasn't thinking necessarily Voodoo, but that's obviously what comes to mind.
We got there early and there was barely a line! We were all kinda bowled over by the options. The decor is self-evidently top-notch-- The donut stained glass could have been designed better, but points for concept. And I'm still trying to figure out what this building used to be before it got painted pink.
I got 2 donuts: a classic raised glazed and a Ring of Fire, which was spicy chocolate and pretty goddamn delicious. Neat design, too. It would take me three sessions to finish it because the cayenne kept making my lips tingle, haha.
VOODOO DONUTS ⭑⭑⭑⭑
People say it's overrated, but honestly the quality and pricing seemed reasonable for the fun factor. I wanna go back and try a lot!
Next up: THE VARIOUS MARKETS.
This was the biggest fuck-off farmer's market I've ever been to. It felt like 100 tents-- produce, pastries, all kinds of meat and eggs and milk, artisanal alcohols, mushroom chocolate, other stuff I'd never heard of, something horrible called "drinking vinegar", anything you can put CBD in... I got a bunch of tiny table grapes and a pear. They cost $1.90. The grapes were good. I don't know why I keep thinking I can have fun eating a pear.
My other sister and her boyf were looking for coffee, and both tents had long lines. We really liked this one with the post-apocalyptic setup and steam-powered-looking coffee gadget.
Biggest zucchini I've ever met. Who do you even feed this to.
This beagle kept trying to put her belly on the grass and kept getting pulled back up to her feet. I don't understand what was happening there. ...I also don't know why I assumed the dog is female.
Dad got a lemonade that tasted like honey in a plastic cup that we was supposed to return. They're so conscientious about waste in Portland. There are very few public trash cans though, which I would think would still be important for cleanliness. But when I asked Jaq for a plastic grocery bag yesterday, she didn't have any to spare because they seriously only use reusable bags. (I offered to send them some.) It really made me feel like a loser for never remembering to take ours out of the car. She even composts! She is the LAST person I would trust to compost. I really like how Portland enhanced her, and it seems like she does, too.
FARMERS MARKET ⭑⭑⭑⭑
Amazing selection. If I lived around here, I'd pick up sooo many flowers and animal bits.
Next up: Art market! Apparently these huge fairs are just... constant. Unfortunately, a lot of the art sucked. I was surprised! Lots of mediocre paintings, uninspired hippie crafts, hoodies with trees on them, plus one guy claiming to be selling "vintage" band t-shirts that were clearly digitally printed. (Jaq says the term "vintage" is used very loosely here.) I was definitely expecting a more vibrant scene. But maybe the cutting-edge people aren't the ones signing up for art fairs-- I know they rarely do at home.
Plus, when you live in a place this beautiful you probably don't spend a lot of time inside making art. My other sister said she noticed that compared to Ohio, she was seeing very few people actually wearing band shirts. We HAVE to stay inside and make shit until the next basement show.
Very in love with these little trees.
Street preacher!
I got a smoothie, and Jaq and I went halfsies on some freeze-dried gummy worms. Apparently freeze-drying candy makes it expand like a corn puff. I ended up paying $20 for 16 pieces of candy, which we knew wasn't cost-effective... but I wanted to bring some back for Colin! (When I got home, he gratefully and terrifyingly chowed them all down within minutes.)
I also got a little Vitruvian Lizard print. I'm such a sucker for this guy's classic art mixed with lizards.
I don't know what was going on with this guy. I never saw anyone slap him. Should I hope he got a lot of business, or.
ART MARKET ⭑⭑⭑
Ehh, mostly lowest common denominator stuff. But it spanned 3 blocks, and it could be a nice place to get lunch and walk around.
Speaking of lunch-- for that, we went to... THE ASYLUM.
[thunder rumbles]
It's a walled-in food truck colony/dining hall. I got beef pad prik king, which made me very happy.
HAWTHORNE ASYLUM ⭑⭑⭑⭑
Cool concept, weirdly cozy! It was very prudent of them to park a dessert truck in the dining area.
Us cool kids shrugged off the tired kids and went to check out the thrifting scene. I'd been waiting this whole trip for a good chance to window-shop. My face was sore from pressing against the car window ogling sexy storefronts on the way to other stuff.
I loved this shirt so much. If it wasn't giant on me, and also like $30...
Portland seems to have no shortage of streets packed with small shops and restaurants. We found a place that sells twee flowers and mushroom stuff, a thrift store my sister went insane for, a knicknack store I really liked the vibe of, and the amazing, tucked-in-an-alley PSYCHIC SISTER.
This place is not for me and it RULES. It's behind a dark curtain. Then you got the witch rocks. You got the pamphlets on how to do transmogrification. You got the books about the moon. You got the plus-size pants. You got the ostentatious seventies gowns. It is fully-realized. It is sexy. It is strong. It is a great place to start a cult. I love this place so much.
And it was playing that fucking song the entire time. It was its own dimension. I was basically having an out-of-body experience in there.
How cool is that dressing room?!? The side table has a little bell you can ring to, I don't know, summon your friends while they're half-dressed.
I'm not great at thrifting, most secondhand clothes are too frilly or scratchy for me. But I did pick up one of these @esotericbumperstickers. (DON'T WAIT!)
SMALL SHOPS IN PORTLAND ⭑⭑⭑⭑
Incredible, even if they all close at like 5 because everyone is night-hiking or whatever.
Then we went to dinner at some fancy chain restaurant I'd never heard of. This was the first time I saw a Portland shopping center, which was identical to every shopping center in America, except for how profane it felt to be in after the last three days. I ordered a slightly unplesant poke bowl. It was for my dad's birthday, and they gave him a card signed by all the employees. I would love to be a fly on the wall in the office of the guy who decided that was normal.
SHOPPING CENTER RESTAURANT ⭑⭑
The Flipper House would love this.
October 13, 2022
PORTLAND DAY 2: taking a Powelling
Day 2 of West Coast time. It's very easy to wake up at the crack of dawn, considering we'd essentially flown forward in time. But the REAL reason I woke up at 1 AM was because my knees felt like they had become two individual incinerators.
I have never felt that kind of pain before, especially not in my joints. I ended up staggering and huffing my way to the kitchen, rummaging around for ziplocs?-- nope, none-- tupperware containers? Okay cool-- ice in the freezer? A FULL WORKING ICE MAKER, THANK YOU FLIPPER HOUSE.
So I ended up back in bed like this:
So yeah, clearly this was because of the hike yesterday. I'm not a terribly athletic person, but I've definitely handled hikes of that caliber. There are pictures of them on this blog! Colin and I have been going to parks and walking the shit out of them! What happened?! Well, we figured it's something to do with being on a plane for 6 hours and not stretching. I'm taking painkillers and chugging water to move my lactic acid or whatever around.
At this moment I'm feeling very stupid and pathetic, and also upset that this might ruin my ability to experience Portland. I'm especially upset that it might mean I'll miss out on chicken and waffles.
But I got waffles brought to ME.
SCREEN DOOR ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑
I have never been inside you, but I love you. Delicious, pounded-flat fried chicken. INSANE amount of syrup. Paper to-go containers. That waffle was sweet potato gingerbread. Nothing could have made me happier to eat with my bare hands. You are my sun and stars. You saved me. I'm only here because of you.
By noon, after showering and drying my hair on the bathroom floor, I finally feel capable of staying on my feet without feeling like my legs are made of birch bark. I'm given some arnica gel and a knee wrap and I'm praying like a maniac that I can survive tagging along on the fun stuff.
First, Jaq took us to an outdoor equipment store that she was excited about. They had some pretty good deals, and a thrift store in the basement!
Like I said: I tend to be more into the look of outdoorsiness rather than the function of it. I am not a fan of slick synthetic thermal/rain-resistant/tech fabrics. I don't camp enough to justify buying a collapsible cup. Basically what I'm saying is that there wasn't much here for me. But it was neat seeing my sister act like a kid in a candy store, and the decor was pretty damn fun. I didn't even take pictures of the pop culture murals in the basement...
At one point an employee checked in with us and I just could not compute that someone that informal and alive-sounding was really on the job. Everyone is so young and god damn hip here.
Are those... children's lederhosen? But where are the children...
NEXT ADVENTURE ⭑⭑⭑⭑
If I need a camping thing, this seems like a very fun place to shop.
Great store name #1.
As we were walking out of Next Adv., some brand reps started wheeling in a wagon full of seltezers or something? Amir apparently loudly said "I wonder what [brand] is all about!!" so they handed him some. It tasted like grape cough medicine.
We hung out on the corner, sipping this ill-conceived product and deciding what to do next. A guy in his underwear who seemed to be tweaking walked toward us, drawing dots on himself with something that looked like charcoal or an ink cartridge. We all just kinda watched as he stooped to put dots on the sidewalk leading to my brother's leg, haha. He moved and the guy just kept drawing where he stood. I traced the path here:
One thing you notice immediately about Portland is that the homeless people around here have really nice tents. In Ohio you mainly see people having to lean against doorways and stuff. I also heard that Portland has fewer shelters, though.
Girl eating lunch in an empty lot.
Don't know what this is, but I like it.
Next we went to Powell's Books! THEY ARE NOT KIDDING ABOUT BEING THE BIGGEST. And I've been to the Book Loft!
I didn't take any photos of the majesty of the place, but basically it's a big wood-orange subway station of a place, with tall bookshelves (I'm talking 3 or 4 shelves taller than I can reach), taller ceilings, and a color system so you know which freakin' room you're in. As soon as I walked up to the new arrivals table, a very stereotypically effeminate-London-posh-looking old man came up next to me and clutched his scarf like there was a gust in there, haha... amazing.
Once I got my bearings, I made a beeline for the German stuff. The travel section was mostly outdated destination books. But the LANGUAGE section... Holy shit I was not prepared for this.
REAL BOOKS, WRITTEN IN GERMAN, PRINTED IN GERMANY. AND A LOT OF THEM CHEAP AS BALLS.
I just about peed.
Oopsie. I was so excited I failed to get a stable shot of Nana's note.
I thought about a few of them, namely a fat medical book that cost like $75, and a couple fiction books written in the 70s that were somehow both middlingly-reviewed as being weird about women. At some point the Londoner guy came around and spoke to an employee in the exact cartoonish "yes, yes, no patience for fools" kinda way you'd expect. Another coupla guys showed up later that sounded like working class bros, but they were crazy excited about Faust.
Ultimately, I walked away with the paper airplane book and a German copy of Ingmar Bergman's Wild Strawberries. They only cost me $10! That's partly restraint, and partly that I was the only one of our party still browsing after 40 minutes. If I had a ladder and more time, I bet I coulda found at least one more gem.
Dad asked how well I can read German, and I told him I could understand the gist of most books because I read at a 7-year-old's level. Then he said "I got a book written at a 7-year-old's level" and pulled out a Mike Tyson biography. Oh my god.
POWELL'S BOOKS ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑
HOLY FUCK
After THAT high, we headed to the Japanese Garden. But we don't plan good, so we got there just as they were closing. You know what was free, though? The Hoyt Arboretum. Mother Nature's tree museum.
Did you know that Redwood bark is squishy? It's like poking a steak made of wood pulp.
Apparently people do weddings and stuff out here, and there was even a bride awkwardly abandoned by her photographer on the trail. That or she was a frail mimic hoping to catch a lone elderly person. Either way, great location for that.
HOYT ARBORETUM ⭑⭑⭑⭑
We only walked one trail, but it looked pretty sweet.
Next we went to the Rose Garden! The lead-up to the garden was a tennis court wrapped in roses, which made for some extremely fucking sexy landscaping.
Honestly the whole place was very nicely laid-out. If you're a rose fan, this place is for you. If you're looking for anything else, maybe not. But the fun part here was that we all started smelling them and comparing faves. A lot of them felt engineered to smell how they look-- light-sweet, dark-intense-classic, pink-powdery.
Gotta watch out for bees bathing in the pollen, though.
My personal faves.
ROSE GARDEN ⭑⭑⭑
Roses are less fun than trees, but my grandma got a kick out of the pics.
Then we swung by the Pittock House, which belonged to some rich Portland guy.
This is where it matters who you go vacationing with-- if I was with Colin, we would have gotten the tour and spent an hour in there learning why this guy and his family were important. But because my family isn't Colin, we just walked around to the backyard and checked out the skyline for a few minutes.
To be fair: it's a nice skyline. It was also a weirdly crowded spot? Just people sitting on the benches and chilling. There was a guy near the benches playing what sounded like Indian music from his pocket.
PITTOCK HOUSE ???
No idea what's in it.
I looked down and read "Li'l Caprice drove by here about 5 years ago" in a fake-excited voice. Jaq nodded and laughed. It was later revealed that neither of us know who Li'l Caprice is.
Jaq frequently bemoans the lack of classic suburban Tex-Mex choices in Portland, so I was a little concerned when she chose Matador for dinner. And yeah, it's got some twists that are a bit off the theme compared to what we're used to. But they have some pretty yummy carnitas. It comes with sheets of red pepper to put on your tortillas, oh man... also their house salsa is really garlicky and good, chimichurri-y, and I need the recipe.
My other sister and her boyf sat by the window, which would eventually have a very perturbed bald man at the table outside it. The guy stupidly (or generously?) decided to text with his back to the window, so they could read what he was texting. APPARENTLY he was having a domestic dispute-- his ladyfriend was texting him appeasing cutesy shit like "I love yoouuu" while he kept responding with stuff like "Pay the bills you owe. Why is there a weird car in the driveway. Do better or this can't work." Godspeed to him, I guess...?
MATADOR ⭑⭑⭑
Loved the decor and atmosphere. I liked what I got, but I wasn't envious of anyone else's plate. They put queso on street tacos, of all things. I usually love street tacos...
For dessert, we stopped at my new favorite ice cream chain, Salt & Straw. This shit is extremely my jam.
So, first thing: I notice on their menu that they charge 50 cents for perfume. Which is listed for 0 calories. Because it goes on your ice cream.
These guys partnered with Imaginary Authors to do culinary scents-- edible perfume to enhance your experience. They come in Floral, Citrus, and Cocoa. I... really wish I knew how to use these. They don't taste like much of anything on their own. Kinda stings when you spray it on your tongue. Really stings when you spray it on your tongue the fourth time to scare your sister.
They also had these INCREDIBLE twee forest animal and monster paintings that could have come straight out of 2008. Remember when everyone just fucking loved yetis for some reason. PORTLAND!!!
They ALSO. Had a bunch of wild flavors for Halloween. Some of them sounded virtually impossible to stomach for a whole cone (Licorice? Humans don't actually eat that. Bubble gum pieces?? I HOPE people don't eat that), but when I heard they had a flavor with real bugs in it, I knew I had to get a sample spoon. It was good ice cream! I felt at least one bug.
Ultimately, though, I bought a scoop of chocolate brownie with a floral perfume on it. Very neat experience, kinda luxurious. Plus their brownies tasted even better than in my favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor! A perfect fun + food experience. Loved this as a bookend to a packed day.
SALT AND STRAW ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑
Whimsical, tastes great, has amazing stupid ideas like ice cream perfume. I'd be willing to trade Jeni's for this.
October 11, 2022
PORTLAND DAYS 0.5 & 1: son of a beach
I'm back, baby! Holy shit. There's no way I can fit this all into one blog post.
So, here's the thing. I have wanted to go to Portland for like 15 years. Like if you asked me to make a list of cities I wanna see before I die, it would be #1. I am a huge sucker for everything it represents, or at least what it represented in the late 2000s. Artsy, bright, weird, colorful, safe(er than, say, NY or LA), progressive, young but not a college town... I may not be the most outdoorsy person in the world, but dammit who doesn't like the AESTHETIC of being outdoorsy? It's Portland! I like hipsters! I can appreciate "twee"! Recycling is cool! I wanna see some kooky quirky shit! I live in Ohio, I just wanna know there are people somewhere out there wearing something that isn't biz-casual or basketball shorts! Give me a culture that's happy to be here!
So yeah, when my sister moved there and the rest of the family felt lowkey abandoned, I was just like "sweet, maybe she'll host Christmas!"
I FINALLY GOT TO GO TO PORTLAND.
This was both a fantastic trip (the city) and sometimes a stupidly stressful one (family friction). Next time I consider a vacation with 9 people, smack me upside the head and tell me to love myself better. It is impossible to please everybody all of the time, and it's especially hard with a bunch of people who at least like to think of themselves as flexible. But I digress into a thorny thicket.
Seattle airport is very shiny and PNW. You can buy a Filson flannel shirt there, or a Caribou coffee. It knows exactly what it is.
Portland airport has an identity crisis every 20 feet. Are we an abandoned minigolf course? Are we a movie theater? Are we playing forest sounds in this hallway?? Okay??? Here's a broken automated walkway with neat guts:
When we get to the city, we pull up past a ton of big, juicy graffiti to our AirBnB, which looks a little less shiny than it did in the pictures. This is the case for every Portland home we go to-- I'm used to long ranch-style houses, and the rooms I met in Portland tend to be taller than they are wide, with small yards outside. Li'l bit claustrophobic for me. I don't remember ever seeing something I consciously registered as an apartment building, so I assume suburban sprawl works a bit differently there out of necessity. The houses made up for it by every other one being freakin' orange. Love that part.
Anyway, the AirBnB is pretty clearly a flipper house, with a combo of old bones and braindead cheap "modern" choices. The art was the best giveaway-- Banksy prints, funny animals in people clothes, Hokusai's Wave, an ad for Prada...? Somebody clearly got a back-to-the-dorms deal on Posters.com. Anything to avoid making any sort of statement.
The fireplace was decomissioned, painted neutral blue and had a giant TV stacked on top of it, safely above any human's line of sight. Every bed had the same black and white striped bedding. And the place was PACKED with double beds. Double bed in the basement. Double bed in the room with the child's playroom shutters that could be opened by anyone from the hallway. There were so many beds that I, by myself, ended up in a 4-person bunk bed that didn't seem safe to climb. I would later not feel even a little bad about eating fried chicken and waffles in it.
You could potentially sleep 12 people in this place, but there were only 2 bathrooms. And they both had showers with negligible privacy glass. That choice actually did have some personality to it, so points there. Pervert points.
FLIPPER HOUSE ⭑⭑
Possibly the blandest home in Portland. Very clean, but used for evil. Can rehabilitate this ranking by selling it to a real family.
That said: I slept like a rock.
The next morning, my newly-native sister Jaq picked us up and took us to a little (actual!) hole in the wall called the Pie Spot!
I got an 8oz mocha and an apple brandy crumble pie. These pies come in a bunch of varieties and they all fit in the palm of your hand. They do not come with forks or plates, but you don't need them. The crust is firm enough to stay together, moist enough not to crumble everywhere, and pliant enough to not flake off and stab your mouth. I'm not a big pie eater, but this experience may have converted me. Everyone else enjoyed their stuff, too. Would easily go back.
PIE SPOT ⭑⭑⭑⭑
I wish they sold milk!
The Pie Spot was next to an Oxacan restaurant, among other unusual ethnic fare I don't remember. I'm mondo curious. There was also a place that serviced JUST Volvos. An omen of the Portland to come.
Oh my god this city is teeming with cars I haven't seen anywhere since the 90s. And not a single Hummer! Interesting how the people who do the most stuff outdoors don't go for an urban assault vehicle. It was really neat taking this trip with a few car guys-- I just wish I understood half of what they were saying when they got excited.
Then we headed out to "the coast". I think it was all Cannon Beach? I guess they filmed some part of The Goonies here, but nobody would admit to having seen The Goonies.
Look at this fucking. Beach.
Jaq was so bummed that it was foggy that day, but honestly? I've never been on a misty beach before and really enjoyed the cozy/creepy factor. It was really surreal walking this huge barren strip of sand that we couldn't see the end of while thin waves washed toward us from god-knows-where.
She was mostly upset that we couldn't see the rocks near the shore clearly, since puffins sometimes like to hang out there. The only animals we saw were disembodied crab legs. Also this beached jellyfish with little sand fleas or something wiggling under it.
Fun tsunami map! Interesting how every house is fucked.
Then we drove to a different part and started hiking!
Now, when Jaq was organizing this thing, she asked for input. And one of the things I suggested was that we not do a strenuous hike on the first day. This will be important... later.
This place was so serene and lush and dramatic. Blew me away. You know when you get bored of opening your computer and seeing a beach, so instead you search "forest desktop backgrounds"? I'm like 90% sure I've used at least one photo of this place before. Everywhere I looked was basically the most perfect forest I could imagine.
Some people actually started coming up with scenarios about what we would do if a dinosaur showed up, haha. Everyone was in really good spirits, and can you blame us?
We only ACTUALLY encountered 3 types of creature, consistently and randomized like common area Pokemon: Wooly bears, giant hideous green slugs, and big black beetles.
Watch your step, probably.
Then we found... ANOTHER BEACH. Also some freaky bleached trees stacked up like a dam? Neato.
Lots of birds bathing on this end! We stuck around and watched them and talked for a bit.
I brought rocks back to make a Portland cairn at home. They were not small rocks. I lived to regret this.
In love with the Portland impulse to put stickers on any reasonable surface.
Crows hoping we'd feed them something.
CANNON BEACH ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑
One of the most beautiful places I've ever been. Going in was fine, going back even with a break was painful. I would love to practice my stamina here!
Afterward we stopped at Jaq's favorite pizza place, Ranch-something? This is where we got our first true sticker shock, because a full pizza with no toppings costs $22, and a quarter slice costs $7. The pizza was good, but the crust was like a french bread pizza, and they doled out mozzarella like a rich libertarian gives food service tips... so I wasn't sure where their overhead comes from, except for "paying rent in Portland". But then I saw how hard they loaded my brother's order:
Ranch shared a very hip food hall space with a brewery, a mini record shop, a mini arcade and A FUCKING ART VENDING MACHINE! I've always wanted to meet one of these!!!! I got so excited I swiped my credit card a bunch of times and scared my bank into freezing it, haha.
The only thing I actually managed to buy was a 2-pack of "fortune-misfortune" cookies. I gave one to my dad's girlfriend-- hers was something like "you'll find joy wherever you go", so I guess that was the "fortune" part. I got the misfortune, which said I'll fail to learn from the pandemic. VERY RUDE AND NOT TRUE. Though that's also something a person who doesn't learn would say.
The cookies were good. Thick.
RANCH PIZZA ⭑⭑⭑
Tasty and great atmosphere. They even have italian soda! But for the money, I'd be happier with something greasier and with customization options.
Then we got ice cream at a place with a little Covid counter. Jaq's boyfriend had a punch card that we filled the hell up. YOU'RE WELCOME AMIR. Really starting to notice the local progressive stances since every place has emphatic signs like that.
FIFTY LICKS ICE CREAM ⭑⭑⭑
Love the wooden ball sculpture representing the size of the scoops. Points off for the "Brownie vs. Blondie" flavor skimping on the brownie AND blondie, and for calling a flavor "Vanilla AF".
Exhausted, we called it a night. But little did I know that something sinister was brewing within...
my knees.
October 5, 2022
This art is gay as hell
Heading over to Portland in uhhhh a few hours actually, so I gotta hurry up and upload some pics from last week or I never will.
A friend drove up and we wanted to show her the Wexner. They always have fun exhibits (and my favorite gift shop of any museum I've ever been to) and we hadn't been in awhile. This one was fantastic, lots to talk about.
First was a collection of documents, drawings, photos and interviews from a feminist separatist commune called WomanShare. Basically a bunch of chicks in the 70s going out in the woods to farm, learn trades, do moon rituals, be passive-aggressive, do talk circles about how not to be passive-aggressive, and do lesbian sex I guess.
I could've sat and read these for hours... maybe if the exhibit is still up when I come back.
Excerpt from a scrapbook sent to one member's grandma.
An eye-opening part of the exhbit was the interviews, where members talked about what drew them there, what they got out of it, why they left in some cases... there was some talk from a lady from LA about how she came to get a break from social work, but also that the community was overwhelmingly white and needed some perspective, and about how separatism did or didn't work. Apparently there was a men's community nearby in case anybody needed one, haha.
Fun constructive criticism memo:
Then we went upstairs and figured out why we'd been hearing moaning the whole time. There was a modern exhibit of LGBT artist Carlos Motta with video loops, one where somebody comes out on stage wearing a mask and then groans and drools trying to imitate a collection of miserable Boschian bronze busts.
That lady has boobs for eyes.
Another video was of somebody reciting the SPIT Manifesto, which was mainly a list of bizarre nicknames and slurs. There was a third video of a guy reciting AIDS history around a dental implement. Really interesting intersection of crushing verbosity with horror elements.
Fun! I'm gonna go finish packing. See ya in a bit.
September 13, 2022
comparatively dull entry
HOO boy spent a lot of money yesterday. We learned our broken dryer is so old that they don't make parts for it anymore, so we had to get a full replacement. Buying new appliances is expensive AND risky, but dryers are apparently hard to fuck up manufacturning-wise. I mean, at the end of the day it just needs to get warm and spin things. So we went to a refurbished appliance store. AKA DRYER WONDERLAND.
We picked out a handsome wood-paneled vintage Kenmore with dials like our old one, and the lady even swapped the price tag with a similar one to give us a deal... VERY SWEET... then we got home and the thing was half an inch too wide to get through the basement doorway. Heartbreaking. We drove back and settled for a mid-2000s model for the same price which will hopefully get installed later today.
I grew up in a suburban strip mall wasteland, so individually-owned stores are still really exciting to me... I love when there's no floor designer in another state telling you how to lay out your stuff! It's neat how people organize things according to their needs. Which reminds me of this very bad photo I took at a locksmith counter in July:
Still kicking myself for not getting more of the pegboard wall. Love a good pegboard wall.
We also stopped by Lush to pick up some Halloween stuff, cos I just finished off my 4-year-old bottle of Lord of Misrule.
Back when I needed more distractions like 5 years ago, I got REALLY into retail therapy. (I can't help it, I'm American.) Especially Lush. The branding was so artsy! The products were like candy! They used to have an absolutely devastating thing called The Kitchen where they'd make small batches of discontinued/test items and sell them online for one day, which was really fun. I got lots of nifty exclusives that way. Great scents like Yuzu & Cocoa, Grass, 29 High Street... Ohhh 29 High Street... I use body wash pretty conservatively, so I still have an extensive library of options from that time. Which is fortunate, cos if you hear fans tell it, they used to be WAY more adventurous instead of making everything smell like lemon.
Anyway: Lush has a policy where you can return empty black tubs for money off, so I finally brought all my finished lotions and scrubs in. Ten in total. $10. You know what that amounted to?
One bar of soap.
I'm so glad I'm not that into Lush anymore. These prices got NUTS. And the soap formula makes it melt faster now, and it doesn't even get cut in custom sizes and wrapped in butcher paper anymore! THAT WAS THE FUN OF THE SOAP... If I could go back in time and buy a huge unwieldy chunk of the old Outback Mate, man. I'd love to have that in my dresser right now. Making my socks smell like brushing your teeth in Heaven.
But! It was really fun watching the VERY TOO-LOUD VERY EFFUSIVE Lush employee count the empties out and get excited seeing the names of old products... Kept calling things a "moment"... Called me "a fan!" in a cheeky knowing sort of way that made me extremely embarrassed...... They said I "deep-cleaned" them and when I said that's impossible because we don't even have a dishwasher, they told us people usually bring containers in that are still half-full...???? People are wild, man.
We also got a handful of free samples~ One of them was Snow Fairy, though, which is the worst thing they've ever made, besides the Christmas rocking horse soap that everyone said smelled like cum.
Watching: The Bridge, a reality TV show from the UK about. Y'know. Building a bridge. But, like, competitively. The first season was very chill but the second one is just RELENTLESSLY NASTY... Don't fight, British people.......
September 10, 2022
The episode where Colin realizes his celestial destiny, ･:*:･I guess･:*:･
WITCH STUUUUFFF!!!! After the rousing success of the Oddities expo, we knew we'd be in for a good time with this event. I assume ･:*:･Mystics & Marvels･:*:･ is associated with Oddities because they both use the same font to write the word "Oddities" on the yard signs they put at the entrance to the shopping center with the Aldi in it. Seems legit.
･:*:･Mystics･:*:･ is a lot smaller and more performance/fortune-telling themed, but we always make a beeline for the vendors first.
It wasn't jam-packed, but there were some pretty cool tchotchkes in there. Gemstones carved into every shape you could want, all the classic incense flavors (I kept thinking I was smelling BPAL perfume), every tier of jewelry quality, some WILD tarot sets, and lots of whatever those pointy divining-rod-but-for-majyick necklaces are called. Plus a guy in the far corner just selling random stuff out of his garage.
My favorite booth was the one with the found object art. That stuff really brought me back to the late aughts when thrifting was trendy and people would paint a Sasquatch onto an old landscape painting they found at Goodwill. I was actually really interested in the process for some of these-- HOW DID YOU CUT WHAT LOOKS LIKE PORCELAIN...-- and I shoulda asked! Somehow I was afraid of ruining the ･:*:･magic･:*:･
Iiiiiii ended up buying the mantis bride. I think she's actually a reconstituted grasshopper, but that's cool too. It's still cute no matter what you think is going to happen on the honeymoon.
Cryptid maps! This guy's booth was plastered all over with the only badass depiction of the Loveland Frog I've ever seen. Turns out he runs a fest for it.
"Don't you want to touch it?"
"No... do you want to touch a 5-year-old boy?"
They filled the empty spaces with a LOT of fun backdrops and photo opportunities. I have a choice one of Colin on a throne, but alas, it's locked away in the secret file. You had to go through this nifty side hall to get around the bleachers when the bellydancers were busy balancing swords on their heads and stuff. They played bird sounds in here. Just like in a ･:*:･real forest･:*:･...
As we're headed out, Colin asks "is there anything else you want to do?", and, well. Lemme crosspost that story from Tumblr:
So Colin and I went to a witch fair today. You know, rocks and sage and wood crafts and lots of sticker piles from Alibaba for some reason and moss and skulls and gnomes and shit. The event is like half fortune tellers, so I say we should try one.
So obviously we pick the guy that’s advertising “alien tarot” readings. He’s got wild hair and a hundred rings, so we know this is gonna be good. Colin goes first. I assume fortune reading is like a doctor’s appointment so I’m not listening very closely, but I hear something about “teaching” and I’m like “aww!” cos Colin has a good speaking voice and loves to recount fun stories from history. Sounds like he’s really engaging with the guy, so I see where that felt like a safe guess.
Then it’s my turn, and my fortune is thus:
I’m just saying “yes” to everything, because 1) this guy is not my psychiatrist and 2) I instinctively try to make life easier for emotional service workers. He tells me I need to Speak My Truth More (heh, imagine), I’m very intuitive, I’m undergoing a Transformation and I “don’t have to Surrender anymore”. Very positive. He probably thinks Colin yells at me.
Then we leave and Colin tells me this guy TOLD HIM HE’S AN ALIEN, MORE SPECIFICALLY A FIRE ELEMENTAL FROM THE PLANET SIRIUS, AND HE WAS PUT HERE TO TEACH US ABOUT OTHER PLANETS
WE BOTH PAID THE EXACT SAME $20
･:*:･Sigh.･:*:･ Always the bridesmaid, never the starseed elemental.
Eating: A piece of bread topped with peanut butter, honeycomb, cinnamon, and apple granola. EXTREMELY SEXY piece of bread.
August 21, 2022
Big (Library) Gains
TWO hella successful vintage comic book events this week!
First, Colin spied a comic shop while we were checking out a new part of town. I was a little deflated walking and seeing rows and rows of DC and Marvel shortboxes and only a teeny indies section in the back, but their vintage magazines... oh man. It was like walking into an uncle's basement. Tons of monster movie publications, Conans, Mad mags, wonky action-fantasy stories and garish 90s kung-fu mashups that the authors are probably glad were forgotten, some really vintage stuff from when men wrote all the successful comics for and about teen girls... all awkward, all amazing.
I took home:
1. A glossy collection of Angus McKie comics, whom I was unfamiliar with. Highly detailed and usually with a dark sense of humor, perfect for insertion into any issue of Heavy Metal. One of my favorites is the story of humanity's champion waiting to do battle with the best fighter of an evil alien race. While he's reflecting on his noble duty to protect mankind, the challenger's spaceship accidentally squishes him.
2. Myth Adventures #4! I don't have issues 1-3, but who cares! I already know the books pretty well, so this was a cool find. I always preferred the way the cover artists drew Aahz, all tall and exasperated, but Phil Foglio's gremliny take has grown on me over the years.
3. Whatever this is. I'm gonna be real, I thought this was going to be a literary journal for nerds. Turns out it's actually a book order catalogue. But it's still an interesting relic, and I still paid half price for it. I love this charismatic fawn lady.
Second was the book sale at the local comics museum, which was unexpectedly PACKED even though we got there right as it opened. It's directly on campus, and we forgot that all the kids were coming back to school... but it was really fun seeing the variety of dorks. All ages were there, but mostly college kids. Virtually every girl-shaped person had dyed hair and seemed uncomfortable in a crowd. But can you blame 'em for showing up anyway? These were cool-ass books, most of them only $5. (Colin said he saw a guy scanning barcodes to check the resale value. Ew, dick.)
It was less fun navigating the tables, of which there were only like 3. The books were laid out spine-up between unsecured bookends, so people would take out a book, look at it, and then have to fit it back into a spot that had collapsed. The museum's tiniest assistants scampered under our elbows pushing things back together.
Everyone had an armful of books (the library suggested we bring a bag and I now understand why) and I wished I could have asked what they bought. Seems like a good place to do documentary interviews.
But anyway, COOL FINDS:
4. The Best of H.T. Webster. I love this guy's delicate lines!
5. World War 3 Illustrated. Possibly my favorite find out of everything in this post. Angry, scruffy, disturbing and affecting DIY art and essays about police brutality, homelessness, gentrification, religion, war... Y'know, the hits. Also in one of them Ronald Reagan builds a mechanical dinosaur.
6. Blondie #1! The story of how Bumstead lost his millions by marrying some floozy! I used to read old Peanuts comics in this style of book, complete with vandalized drawings from when my mom was little-- the stiff yellow pages really take me back.
7. Giles Sunday cartoons. It's really hard to take pictures that do these landscapes justice, but what struck me about them is the warm washes over beautifully-drawn intricate scenery. I'm gonna be studying these.
August 17, 2022
ONE CHAIR
Man, I am an idiot. I just now figured out how to enjoy the yard.
We've had this house for 6 years now and it has a nice little swatch of backyard. Closed with a tight wood fence, no big trees for itself but partially-shaded by the neighbors', green and a little overgrown with lilies from the previous owner, and lots of possibilities. I've tried a few projects on it, but anything that needs watering or consistent attention falls by the wayside because I keep forgetting.
All it took was buying one comfy chair. ONE CHAIR. And now I love being out there, and while I'm reading my books and listening to the neighborhood kids yell at each other play and I'm looking for crap to do.
I'm staring at the chipped paint on the detached garage and wondering what color to repaint it. I'm replenishing topsoil and weeding and trimming branches. I just spent the morning pulling grass from between the pavers-- grass that's been there so long it's gathered a carpet of dirt and moss, supporting a miniature world, oops, sorry guys-- and I guess I'm gonna try pouring saltwater over it to discourage regrowth for awhile. Could put a table there, or maybe a little fire pit. Or maybe some garden boxes??
I got some free wildflower seeds from one of our parks last week, and I think about where and how to plant them EVERY DAY. Not just once and forgetting them. Every frickin' day! Cos I rememeber outside exists!
Sometimes it's raining and I realize I can sit in THAT, too. But then Colin reminds me there's also lightning.
I feel like I'm squeezing summer for everything it's got, right down to the rind. Normally I spend all seasons inside reading/drawing/working/screwing around online, which isn't sad per se considering the ifninite entertainment and my family's history of skin cancer. And it keeps me looking a little under my age, I imagine. But the vitamin D and the dirt under one's nails sure boosts one's mood from "neutral" to "ecstatic to be here".
Still, just. ONE CHAIR. SIX YEARS.
ONE.
CHAIR.
August 15, 2022
spoonfed sycophantics
Hm. I think I need to stop watching so much Youtube. I think it's what's rotting my ability to say disagreeable things.
Historically I've spent very little time on there. People who make or watch videos aren't usually interested in the things I'm interested in, or at least not for the same reasons.
This is gonna sound snobby, but I'm trying to be MORE snobby, so: I always felt like video as a medium was for children? Like, something you grow out of. They're so simple and require nothing of the viewer. I never feel a reason to sit still and watch a video summary when I can just read the real story, in better detail and context, interactively and straight from the horse's mouth. Go down a rabbit hole of links and profiles, navigate different UIs, play detective and check on my suspicions. Find new, related stuff. Explore, not just get fed.
Hell, half the time I watch a video about a thing I saw with my own eyes, the Youtuber comes to the wrong conclusion because they missed something I found. And people rely on them for education now? Wild how you can control the narrative of something just by taking on the mantle of "guy who summarized it".
Buuuuuuuut Youtube has a decent crop of German culture personalities, and... hhhh. Oops.
So, sure, now I've watched a hundred Top 10 Weirdest Things I've Noticed About Germany listicle videos with and can probably tell you what everyone from every country thinks on the matter. But gosh, at what cost?
Hearing a Youtuber talk when their main mission is "as little backlash and as many subscribers as possible" is like watching someone's soul die, for me. They qualify every opinion they almost have with "not that there's anything wrong with that..!", and like. I get it. You make money from numbers. You need to make goofy faces in the thumbnail so people click on it. You're on the world stage so you have to watch what you say. But that just tells me that I... and most people... don't belong on a stage.
I feel like I'm learning too much from their example, too? I feel it in how I interact with other people (or even write these blog posts) and I do not like it. I'm here on Earth to express myself, not kiss ass! That's like my main thing! Who wants to turn around one day and realize you've surrounded yourself with people who wouldn't like you if they knew your real feelings on stuff?
I can't pretend it's not useful. I'm trying to be more open and sweet lately, and it's paying off. People seem more comfy around me. I'm trying to find the other person's level, making them feel good, not always saying the weirdest thing that comes to mind. But people still like me when I act weird, so I'd be an idiot to stop completely. It's a hard balance between sneering apathy and being a pointless doormat.
This kind of thing has been on my mind a lot for a lot of reasons, but I think I've alluded plenty to my issues with how social media has ended up. I feel like I just keep whining about it, then I feel bad for whining about it, then I rewrite the whining to be nicer, then funnier, then nicer again... well, it's not cute and nobody needs it. Especially not for the fiftieth time. I should just put my money where my mouth is and make some shit.
LISTENING TO: A copy of The Venetia Fair's Every Sick, Disgusting Thought We've Got In Our Brain finally popped up on Discogs in VG condition and I instantly snatched it up. I'm listening through it to check for scratches.
This band took me awhile to warm up to a few years ago-- I remember cringing at the whiny vocals, skipping around a lot, still keeping the whole albums on my phone out of duty to my future self, cos I know that when it comes to music I'm very shallow and if it isn't perfectly fast and melodic I'll overlook it until I'm in the right mood.
But now every song they've recorded sounds so insanely rich and perfect. I don't think I have one I can't sit through. The vocals are whiny, but in a bitchy expressive way, yowling like a coyote with a thesaurus and a bone to pick with an ex-girlfriend. The music is melodramatic but deseperate to impress, thumping jazz piano and horns, a peacock on fire. Everything is a vague-but-highly-specific moody fit flailing too many legs. I love it. I wish they would come back to make more, but I also get why some of it is probably embarrassing.
Anyway, turns out the lyrics insert was signed by all the members of the band! JACKPOT. Really cool way to complete my collection.
July 21, 2022
Recovery
Still recuperating from the wedding thing. There were a few days there where I just legit did not feel like moving at all, but I think I'm mostly over it. Finding myself really resistant to getting back into the mundane swing of things! It's hard to have conversations but I have A LOT of energy for trying new places around town. Good thing I still have some travel plans this year. Gonna try to visit Portland, and possibly my first furry con? I bet I can sneak my stickers onto a friend's table, I think they'd do well! I could also finally unload some button versions I had printed but never figured out how to ship.
Next year Colin says we can maybe look at Europe, which. I mean, you can guess where I wanna go. The trouble is picking a city; this could be the only time I get to go, so I wanna make it count. I'm most interested in northern Germany, but maybe also down in the Cologne area. I wanna practice speaking with natives and hopefully pick up something with writing on it-- antique electronics being the holy grail in that category. But I also wanna make it interesting enough that we'll be motivated to visit again.
Complications: Covid/Monkeypox, fuel prices, airlines being weird (pilots are quitting a lot right now and our friends' flights got severely delayed), global warming freak weather. AND the Euro is severely depressed right now (good for us, not great for people who, like, use the Euro. uhhhhhhh vielleicht wird der Tourismus helfen.......?)
Just for funsies I looked at early-December flights, cos my soul needs me to visit a German Christmas market someday. A round trip for one person is around $1k, but like... if we don't eat out for 6 months, and maybe I take on some commissions, it shouldn't hurt THAT bad...!
Speaking of. There is so much pulled pork in our fridge. Like. An impossible amount. Like two non-organic ham hocks worth. I wish mom didn't get so much food for the wedding, but she makes this mistake every time. I don't get the "better to have too much than not enough" thing, I would much rather people scrape the bottom of the pans at 8PM than get begged at the door to take heaping plates home. I did supply to-go boxes, and people DID use them, which makes the amount left over even more mind-boggling. But yeah, that's what we're going to be eating this week. Thoughts and prayers against pork poisoning.
Now we have to write thank-you cards! The ones we bought were slightly too big for my envelopes, so I finally caved and bought a PAPER TRIMMER... So satisfying. I should have done this years ago. Turns out, if you catch yourself thinking at least once a year "I wish I had that device", you should probably just give in. But now I'm looking around the house for more things to guillotine.
READING: The new issues of Monkey Meat. Nice to see a title on the comic store shelves that looks like it was fun to make!
WATCHING: Harry - gefangen in der Zeit, yet another surprisingly entertaining German learning video series. The character drawings are really interesting, really detailed and charming faces. I can't find the artist yet...
July 18, 2022
Born to wed, forced to party
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh my god that was the most fun I've had in years.
I opted out of birthday celebrations in my early teens because I hate being the center of attention just for existing. I hate "happy birthday" texts and I hate-hate-hate gathering people together in a room just to look at me. But when I got married, I was told this party was happening whether I wanted it to or not. So I figured I'd better take the reins and at least make it something to be proud of.
Growing up, I got a lot of experience helping my mom set up parties. I always liked the process of putting out food and Oriental Trading Company goodies and then letting people loose on it. And as an adult, I definitely have things I'd like to do if I had a big group to share it with. But I've never actually HOSTED anything before. And in my family, we tend to do things kinda last-minute. So my expectations for what we could accomplish were set at "optimistic realism".
Thankfully, one lubricated joint on this plan is that my family LOVES any excuse to get together. My aunt offered her farm-house as the backdrop, and as she put it... people tend to make their own fun there. There's a lake(!) and chickens and turkeys and cats and dogs and plenty of room to run around, plus we all get along pretty well, so all you have to do is feed us and we'll hang out for hours.
This also means that they're sticking around long enough to use what you put in front of them, so I took the opportunity to ask to rent a cotton candy machine. And THREE PINATAS. Because everyone loves those, and all my male relatives are huge so I knew 1 wouldn't last long.
Each pinata lasted through 3 people, max. We filled them with little bottles of flavored vodka and Fireball (plus some actual candy for my cousin's 3-year-old.) Only one bottle burst, and I think it's because uhhhh we got a little rough with the dinosaur after it fell off the rope. Colin and I just kinda tossed it at each other until my cousin Rich tagged in and exploded it one-handed.
Oh yeah, and this party was my impetus to buy the Moth Mini Dress from Fashion Brand Company. I bought it in the spring and started to worry it might be too hot, but honestly? The material cools really nicely inside, especially once I dropped my phone in water (it's fine) and got a sleeve wet. And it's apparently machine-washable? Dang, they thought of everything.
We had the company truck show up for us to play Jackbox games on! Huge crowd-pleaser for the under-40s. I mean, nobody doesn't like Jackbox. And since the back screen was free, I threw a few of my animations on there. I think the dancing weasels inspired one Tee-KO shirt that was just a scribble of my weasel with the text YOU SHOULD LEAVE or something under it. Which. I think I would have bought if the internet connection out here was better.
God, it was so cool getting so many of our favorite people to show up (and even more send their regrets!). It was great seeing my goofy family mix with Colin's more pleasantly insane one, plus some shy but fascinating Florida and internet friends. Everyone seemed to be happy to get to know each other, some got really adventurous cos I witnessed some wild conversation pairings happen throughout the day, and some people even got rave reviews behind their backs... just an utter fucking delight. I was running in circles around the property just seeing a new wonderful thing or being given a new task every minute. I'd say it was heaven if my feet didn't hurt so much.
I don't have any good photos of the setup, but in the barn we had two real canoes full of ice and drinks (very cool idea), plus water dispensers with lemon and watermelon in them (SOOOOOOO GOOD thank you mom). Colin's family brought beer from their brewery and almost all of it was gone by the end of the day!
We catered using Old Carolina barbecue, which got the stamp of approval from our resident Texan. I did my best to provide obnoxiously eco-conscious disposables: palm leaf plates, compostable cutlery, paper cups, etc. But did you know that paper cups are lined with plastic?? Such bullshit. And "compostables" have to be in a very specific controlled facility to degrade at a reasonable rate? What you want is "biodegradables". Apparently the best answer is to not buy disposables at all, but... y'know... my vibes...
Suffice it to say that people were very confused about what should go in the RECYCLE bin.
I made 13 centerpieces (vase, sand, plastic flowers, paper butterflies) and ultimately went home with THREE. I'm so glad they were enticing enough for people to take. Got a lot of compliments on the vases but I didn't think people would actually want to keep one!
The day after, we went back to help clean up-- one of the dogs had just torn the pinatas to hell across the yard-- and grabbed some leftover barbecue catering. And said thanks a billion times, natch.
I just. I cannot get over how well that party went. I was so happy. I'm STILL happy. If anything's planning to ruin this for me: don't! At least until next month!
Next, we took our remaining Florida friends around Lakewood and showed them some of the cool shops around there (The Exchange, Oddities, Superscript-- the latter of which I got to watch a Warhammer game and simultaneously understand it even more and even less. They were rolling 10 dice at a time and using tape measures??) and eventually stopped at my brother's to play from his extensive library of board games. While I remember: We're Doomed, Avalon, Cash N' Guns.
We're Doomed! is really really good and really really mean. I think it's trying to get you to think about humanity and how we should work together or something. But we aren't that smart and it's more fun to nuke each other.
Alsooooo my sister-in-law had a recipe book with some good stuff in it. Might try these stuffed poblanos later. Lemme know if it works out for you, too.
July 7, 2022
Ambulatory!
Colin bought me a bike!
He picked up a little red vintage city bike a few months ago on Craigslist and shockingly seems to love it? He's always talked about zipping around the city for little errands. I think he's hoping I'll stop nagging him to buy a helmet, though. I mentioned being jealous of his freedom of movement and that I'd like the ability to tag along sometime.
I woke up this morning from a compromising dream involving Roman Roy to a yellow "beach bike" poking into the room-- I guess in getting the old bike serviced at the bike shop, he spotted it on the rack for a pretty good price.
I took it for a short ride and it feels amazing! Really tall, though, which I am not. It's like mounting a horse with a more comfortable seat. I feel like if I die prematurely, it's probably going to be in city traffic. But hey, I've been putting off getting hit by a car for too long already.
Compared to his, mine is less built for agility... fatter tires, therefore wider turns. It also has "JOHN DEERE 1" lettered on it in peeling stickers? Very cute. I hope I get a lot of use out of it. Maybe I'll add more stickers to it later, though I'm reluctant to get attached to something you have to chain up outside of places.
We also finally tried Hounddog's. Spicy pizza! But not in the annoying burny way? I don't know how they do it...
July 3, 2022
air bubble
Doin' a bit better! Been making sure to get a lot of outdoors time, mostly sitting in the yard drawing in the morning. Our yard doesn't have any big trees in it (just a li'l baby maple) so I'm moving my big green adirondack chair around the yard 2 or 3 times a day to piggyback off the shade from the surrounding trees. Definitely adds a sense of, uh, pomodoro technique to the whole thing.
I signed up for Cohost (as Psshaw, obvs) but I don't have an invite yet so I'm just lurking. Seems chill. Mostly mentioning it here so I can remember to check back later.
Someone's grocery delivery got left on our steps yesterday around 5. We don't order groceries (making app drivers do the errands you can do yourself shouldn't really be a thing anyway?? But whatevs.) I went to a couple neighbors and crashed a party to ask if anyone was missing their delivery. Nobody bit.
When Colin came home we dug through the bags... lots of ice cream and junk food, some (processed) meat, overall a lot of sugar and bummer about food waste. But there were strawberries I could dump in the garden plot. Apparently ants like strawberries, so congrats to the ant colony living in our planter. I looked up whether a strawberry plant was likely to sprout there and sources suggest no, but maybe I've been a good girl this year. And maybe next time we'll get a first try at groceries from someone who likes to order a lot of weird vegetables. Next time I won't let them sit in the sun for 6 hours, haha.
June 30, 2022
hhh
Okay, I'm really gonna vent now. In very simple language. This summer will not... behave. It especially feels hard because I'm on my period. Excuse the whinging. Might delete later.
I started out this downward slope by finding out that my ex-closest friend, who I had to step away from amicably because we weren't being good friends to each other, has been passing out unflattering screenshots of me to just... whoever, it seems like. If they can claim someone a "friend", it's apparently fair game. The problem is that they have shallow relationships with virtually everyone, so therefore everyone is their "friend".
They also screenshot everyone behind their backs, both from DMs and private accounts, so I always assumed they weren't really friends with those people. I thought we were close because they showed me these things and knew I wouldn't tattle on them. I returned the favor by never violating their trust the way they were violating everyone else's. I knew people would stop being friends with them if they knew. I thought that was a basic way to show care and investment.
Now I feel like they've been TRYING to find excuses to bring me up to people. And they only show off clips of me being grumpy. They never say what I would be grumpy about, they don't talk about how I'd caught them screenshotting me once already and that their behavior temporarily cost me a good friend. (They didn't even care that the friend was sad about losing me! They let us be mad at each other when they could have fixed it in a second by being honest! But that wasn't worth it because that would mean admitting they gossipped!) They even complained to their partner and friends that they deserve my trust, that they did "everything right". They seem to think being nice to someone's face is all you have to do.
Our mutual friends who know what went down shake their heads, but know they can't be argued with. They actually seemed to take pleasure in informing me that people agreed with them. But... we know what they're leaving out. Even their own partner didn't know that they'd betrayed us.
I was so surprised to find out they would act this way. It shocked me to hear that someone who usually claimed to agree with me would say things this selfish and childish. It feels like I was talking to a fake version of a person for almost a decade.
After I ended the friendship, we had a nice (I thought) talk and I had made it clear multiple times that I was open to talk about their unresolved feelings on the matter. Instead, they said they didn't feel like it... and went off to spread the screenshots. When I found out and confronted them about it, they didn't even bother apologizing anymore. "I was only sharing the things that confused and upset me". None of us understand why that makes it okay. If they were actually confused, they could ask me to clarify. Why drag more people into it and make them think I'm just mean or crazy? I could share a lot of things that "confused and upset" me about them, but I have basic restraint.
So... yeah, I cried a lot that week. It felt like I'd found out they wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. I don't understand how we could go from being so close to them being so cruel. We never even got to have a real argument. I kept it as nice as I could and didn't blame them for anything or try to talk about it with anyone. In walking away, I knew I was losing friends and opportunities. And they openly liked that I was being "punished". But still they weren't happy with that, they had to make it worse. And they still talk like they're the victim, and they aren't even sorry. Whenever I try to talk to them, I get a customer service voice like I'm the problem. It feels like all they're worried about is coming off good and not giving any soundbites.
Through our whole relationship, you could see them taking care to say the most anodyne things and to get to know the most popular people who would give them the time of day. Even people they seemed to hate, they would act sweet toward. I always told them they act like a diplomat and a spy and a politician. They would always tell me they just do it naturally, not out of some calculation. Maybe. But it still hurts to be treated like that. I know they know right from wrong, because they would always ask me how I felt about them doing those wrong things. I always confirmed that, yeah, gossiping behind someone's back is bad.
So why? What's the goal?
I'm sad and disappointed and I don't feel safe. I didn't want to end it on malicious terms. I've been through this before (with a much worse person who outright lied about me) and I really didn't want to go through it again.
And then the blackout, which I lived though pretty cheerfully but I think still counts as a kind of misfortune.
And, y'know, gestures at the entirety of the Supreme Court. I feel like the whole country has lost any empathy for each other. We wanna pump out poor babies but then say the poor don't deserve anything. We want to roll back EPA regulations so gas companies can make more money and said babies can get asthma or whatever. Ohio lets you open carry without a permit, now. Cool. Let the states decide... to become inhospitable in whatever way they want.
Looking at what people say about it is a double-edged sword, because I do enjoy arguing online, but also it's a day much better spent if I don't. My usual style these days is to say something quippy and mute the thread so I don't have to read whatever stupid shit the MAGA grandma has to say next. It helps to know that a lot of the freaks I find saying ridiculously cruel things are just bored and trying to get a rise out of people, but diving into "politics all day, no art or jokes or nothin'" accounts make me feel some real filthy, dirty pity. It's like walking into a slum of people you can't help. I think we really fucked up making politics a sport. SPORTS should be a sport. People need more hobbies.
Turns out the duplex we bought doesn't have central A/C like it said it did, so that sucks. I still visited and mostly enjoyed myself, though putting your life in the hands of an ADHDer off their meds will make you want to tear your hair out. I got so tired of spending money on things that could be avoided with any forethought. So much time and food waste. When I got home I gave Colin a huge hug because I missed his efficiency. and dependability.
The vine that covers the back window in the dining room got tangled in an electrical wire, so Colin went to take that down, but in the process ripped up 99% of the vine. I don't know why, but gardening mishaps depress me more than most things. I think because of how preventable they are. I just look at the empty window and the view of the trash cans and the garage and get really, profoundly sad. It'll grow back next year, though.
I'm looking forward to the wedding party next month, but mostly just to get it over with. I'm stressed thinking about making sure people enjoy themselves and don't regret traveling up to Ohio. I'm stressed about how much money it costs. If my shitty side of the family brings up politics I might burst into tears in self-defense like those lizards that shoot blood from their eyes. I am glad I got to get plates made of palm leaf for it, though. Those are nifty as fuck.
I can't do Artfight this year, which would be a huge pick-me-up. But I shouldn't anyway, because I haven't been talking about my characters much this year. I feel very little drive to tell stories lately considering how hedonistic they are and how serious the world is. Plus Twitter is apparently straight-up hiding my art now. Which is actually soothing to know. It's easy to hide in other hobbies. I'm fucking killing it at reading German right now, I'd say firmly A2. Soon I should start practicing writing it.
I'm really fortunate that Colin is so invested in keeping me happy. He's always trying to do litte things to cheer me up. It also helps that I know these are all really silly first-world inconveniences. I have a really nice life, especially if the above pile is the worst I have to worry about. I just have to be a pissy little bitch about it sometimes. Then I can figure out how to help someone else, I guess.
buuuuughhhghhhhhhhhhh.
Sorry if you got this far. Here's an image Dall-E gave me when I input "psshaw".
Watching: Succession season 3 for comfort, somehow.
June 26, 2022
Wobblin'
Haha, how about that Supreme Court decision, right? Yeah... it's understandable, people with ovaries are just brood sows after all. But not sows with guaranteed medical coverage. Haaaaaaaaa...
Apropos of absolutely nothing, I dropped $15 ($10 more than I usually like to spend) on a copy of Wobbledogs. And then I immediately clocked like six hours of bizarre geometric "dog" breeding.
My strategy so far is to put all my boring-ass dogs in the main pen and let them eat poop and corpses, while keeping my favorite tropical bug babies in a rainforest pen where the menu is mainly fruit to make them as bright as possible.
I want my dogs to be healthy enough to care for themselves, but now that I'm running down the list of achievements I think I gotta start making dogs with too few legs. Please forgive me in advance, Wobblegods.
Here's an import code that hopefully works for getting my favorite dog so far:
In other news, I opened for commissions last week and took on twice as many as I should have, so I'm going back to the draw mines right after posting this. Tschüss!
June 15, 2022
I'll give you something to black out about
Writing this real quick between power outages! If I die, tell the pint of brownie Ben & Jerry's in the freezer that I love it.
We got sent on a non-consenting glamping trip this week when AEPOhio decided to shut off power to large portions of the state. Without any warning at all. During the hottest days of the year. To put it somewhat flip: inconvenient.
They gave a lot of reasons, all so convoluted and yet specific that you end up too dizzy to decide what to feel. (At least in concept. In practice you mostly feel angry and hot.) I guess there was a storm a few days ago, but it didn't feel that bad? And somehow whatever damage came from THAT revealed issues with the grid that they uhhh didn't feel like working on until now, I guess. So for the good of the rest of the grid, it fell on the inner city of Columbus to go without A/C during all peak sunlight hours.
I know everyone with a baby, a sleep apnea mask or an insulin fridge was thrilled to be drafted.
Honestly, for a lot of the first day we just screwed around in town waiting for power to come back. (It did not.) It was wild seeing how far we could drive before the stop lights were lit again. A lot of people pointed out that AEP concentrated the blackouts to residential areas, but never affected most shopping centers or the wealthiest suburbs... plus there was a huge concert downtown that night, not to mention the AEP building itself being lit up just fine. Could be a coincidence, could not. Obviously people have been pointing it out pretty readily on social media.
Colin and I have been having fun figuring out how to rough it. Granted, for us this was quite the lay-up. We have a house with a yard, no terribly delicate people or animals, and Colin really enjoys planning 3 steps ahead and thinking about short-term survival situations. It's weird, you hear about preppers stockpiling toys they don't even know how to use... Colin will give me a well-reasoned 5-point excuse to buy the simplest, most efficient-per-dollar model of [REDACTED] he can find because he knows he won't take the time to maintenance it.
First thing that came out was the portable solar battery he bought last year, and I was like, sweet! So we can keep the fridge going! I would not be reminded until hours later, as we started to realize that this was no ordinary 1-4 hour blackout, that that was never feasible. Turns out fridges use a TON of wattage and the little guy we have is better-suited to fans and phones.
And my phone mattered a lot, because somehow mine was the only service provider that still worked. So it became my job to check Twitter and Reddit for updates. Just like I would in the gay socialist space commune!
So anyway, we couldn't cook that night but it was fine since we ate out somewhere air-conditoned anyway. I was really bummed about the possibility of losing all the food in the fridge, but eventually we were able to secure some bags of ice to stuff in there. I remembered something about standing water helping, so I filled the bath and sink with water, and Colin moved his bed to the basement where it was hella cooler. The cats all slept with him, awwww.
I stayed upstairs because I don't retain heat anyway, and also I didn't want to wake up with a silverfish in my nose.
SO TODAY I get up, sit with a cup of water and a book on the couch, basically settle in for another sweltering day. And at fucking 9AM on the dot, the power comes back on.
Everyone online seemed skeptical this was over-- projections were for "11:59PM Thursday", gee-- so we hurry up and start laundry and take warm showers and go out to buy a box fan. Colin hooks it up to the solar battery and everyone just lays in front of it for awhile, haha.
We also finally visited the old diner on the corner and it was... interesting? Definitely disorganized. The only staff were two older ladies and whoever was in the kitchen. We had to sign ourselves in to be seated on a yellow office pad, and Colin gave his drink order to both women who both walked away without asking mine, haha. They seemed very confused and too wiped out to communicate. Pancakes were good though, and I got the first glass of milk I'd had in 30 hours. Withdrawals abated.
Annnnnd right as we're waiting to pay, the POS system goes down. I heard "I want to cry" more than once. Our bill was like $28.50, and I had exactly $28 on me, plus a handful of change... saddest tip I've ever given, but amazing serendipity otherwise. ALWAYS CARRY CASH! (And quarters, in case you meet a gumball machine.)
So we go home, find out the dryer didn't complete the cycle, sleep in front of the fan, and later I wake up to move the solar panel out of the shadow of the house. As the sun starts to set, it actually feels cooler in the shade outside than in the house. I get out a McSweeney's Quarterly and hang out in the back, getting bit by mosquitoes. Then I spray myself down and they just climb up my shorts to bite my ass. Thanks. Nice otherwise, though.
Colin comes out with his Vonnegut collection, and we decide to try to cook a dehydrated meal in a pot on the grill. But while we're reading, the flame gets blown out and we don't notice. And there's rice in this soup.
And I mean, it's still pretty good soup, but you only need so much crunch. We soldier through it, but after awhile we decide to fold our leftovers together in the fridge. And just as Colin's putting it away, at the power rumbles back on. 8 P-frickin'-M.
I know I sound exhausted writing this, but it was hilarious. I honestly had fun. I never (personally) felt in danger and I'd do it again WITH A DAY'S WARNING TO NOT BUY GROCERIES RIGHT BEFORE... Collecting and rationing resources is really fun, honestly.
AEP is saying this might be the end of the interruptions! They're gonna have a lot of spoiled food and medicine and health and lost work claims to sort through, as they fucking should. I'm sure the long hard process of sending denial notices will make their lobbied monopoly on the Columbus area nearly .002% more burdensome.
And now Colin's looking into buying a low-wattage mini freezer.
May 19, 2022
So how much would it cost to lease this aquarium
We went to the zoo today! I didn't take a lotta pictures (mixed blessing because cropping/uploading takes 4ever) but lemme dump a couple nice views on ya.
I love the habitats with water features so much... I mean, I would live here.
Zoo enclosures in general are so interesting in terms of aesthetics, enrichment and logistics. I might wanna try to design some. They had a HUGE sprawling African savannah area I don't remember seeing before that was just breathtaking, full of giraffes and zebras and ostriches... and some (fake, unfortunately) termite mounds! I love seeing the animals have tons of space and love put into their exhibits. And cool ravines and moats to keep them from eating you, ha.
There was also a new sea lion exhibit! And an "encounters" area that was themed around animals living in human spaces, which honestly I found really uncomfortable. Something extra depressing about a possum sleeping in a turned-over trash can in a room decorated to look like an office.
These sandcats seemed to being doing okay though, basically living in a cat cafe but without having to get touched all the time.
Watching: THE CIRCLE SEASON FOUR... They producers are definitely running out of steam at this point (they just made them do a running contest?), but it's still fun. So far I like Bru the best, though I'll be kinda surprised if he wins. I also liked Yu-Ling a lot until she started pulling this "oh gosh I feel so bad for betraying you, how could this happen?? Why didn't anyone stop me???" thing. GROSS...
May 6, 2022
FINALLY
Here's an idea: What if I started putting my art on here?
I've put together a rudimentary gallery page, starting with a drawing that I have no immediate plans to post anywhere else. If you're reading this: congrats on being in on the secret. >:3c
I've always liked the idea of a gallery page, but I don't like how most people organize theirs (too much clicking and backspacing, too often lacking fun descriptions or useful sorting mechanisms) and then there's the matter of uploading all my previous art... what an exhausting concept. But I'm going to try to avoid both of those pitfalls. Until further notice, I'm just going to try uploading new stuff here first!
REASONS:
Fun new site formatting challenge!!
I could make a god damn art maze if I wanted to
New reason for people to check my page regularly
Social media has gotten much less rewarding, not to mention that no one on earth is interested in how much I want to talk about German language and culture right now
Me trying to write in German on Twitter while still being at A1.5 level is a recipe for embarrassment, actually
My brain badly needs a detox. I need to remember how to draw the way I like to draw: slower, and better!
Posting things here first will give me time to find errors before posting them anywhere else.
I have no idea how well I'll stick to this or how long this experiment will last, but I think it'll be very good for me to try. Fingers crossed!
Listening to: Eisbrecher's Liebe Macht Monster. God this album rules. Eisbrecher writes such badass "divorce music". I love how like half the songs are just about being mad.
May 1, 2022
DEAD STUFF
Guess what! I did something cool again, so it's time for another B L O G P O S T
We finally made it to the Oddities and Curiosities Expo! After wanting to for years and getting cock-blocked by scheduling and Covid, we can now say we've officially paid to look at a bunch of cool dead shit.
We arrived just a while after it opened (which I recommend since the line to get in as we were leaving was three times longer). One thing we noticed right away was the demographics of the crowd. Within the first 5 minutes, we got to observe all the classic mall goth staples-- cars with quippy bumper stickers and Nightmare Before Christmas decals, (p)leather boots and bat wing backpacks, very creative makeup or none at all. And every, I mean every dude over 40 was shaved and tatted-up with a scraggly beard.
In retrospect, it was both a mistake and a cultural olive branch for me to wear a black t-shirt to this. I think I've seen more color at an Amish charcoal stand.
We walked amongst whole multi-generational families of edgelords and Hot Topic loyalty card holders. But mostly couples! A great place for a date, honestly, cos there's lots of avenues for conversation. And the people-watching is of course top-notch.
The Expo was bigger than we expected! Comparable to a mid-size dealer's den at an anime con. There was a treasure trove of cool vendors-- from naturalistic mounts of exotic animals (how long have they been trying to sell that hippo?) to silly takes on common North American pests, to fantasy sculpture to handmade crafts and jewelry to antiques and anatomical models. Even some vintage-style "circus freak" posters that I thought were pretty nifty.
It was especially fun watching people walk around with stuff like flying squirrels and human spine replicas and wondering where they planned to put it.
Though, honestly... Can I vent a little? Of course I can, it's my blog.
I wish "oddity" didn't turn into "Halloween" so quickly in people's minds. Medical stuff I get, history I get, animals and anatomy I get. Herbs and witchcraft supplies I get. But pop culture is, like, the opposite of an oddity. It's common as dirt. And will people ever get tired of all the frickin' coffin shapes? I'd love to see more military-themed curio. More old photos (without a movie monster painted into them). Or cars, or weird plants... maybe a bakery recreating interesting Victorian desserts or something, as long as it doesn't just have a bat spray-painted on it. Something that actually makes you... curious? Less self-styling, more adventure. More strange, less "🕸🎃️strang️e🦇⚰️!!!!"
I think decorating for 24/7/365 Halloween takes a genuine genius to pull off correctly. Thanks to cheap synthetic materials and a de-emphasis on quality, modern "dark stuff" enthusiasts have to dodge a lot of cynical mass-produced ephemera. ...aaaand a lot of them seem to cope with that by decorating by pure impulse. We noticed there was always a big crowd around the booths selling poorly-rendered pop culture references, serial killer merch (picture someone worshipping a celebrity with lead poisoning while somehow feeling superior about it) and anything with a pentagram slapped on it. It's hard to imagine walking into a supposedly "creepy" home and feeling any sense of atmosphere with a bunch of tabloid-level junk looking back at you.
And frankly, yeah, even taxidermy gets be made into some questionably worthless stuff. Like, I have trouble imagining who would actually drop several hundo on a chicken head stuck in a takeout box full of old noodles?? Or at least someone who wouldn't regret it later.
(Obviously everyone has their own taste and that's beautiful, but I actually do need someone to explain that one to me.)
Our friends had sent us pictures from the Detroit expo last year, and I recognized a lot of vendors here! Makes sense, considering our states border each other. I wonder how different the expos down south get? There were already tons of gator heads and bowls of uhhh turtle paws? Lots of turtle pieces scattered all over the place. It was fun seeing all the rummage bins of animal parts.
We found one dealer that dyed some fox(???) pelts different colors, but it also looked like they cut off the tails to sell separately. RUDE...
All the loose tails flying around had me remembering when kids in school would wear raccoon tail keychains on their hips for a while? I think it was scene fashion-adjacent. Years later I still can't decide if I think that's cool or not. Maybe I should have picked one up.
I think I recognized the zombie-lookin' heads from Detroit! Really cool idea, I like how the white eyes are creepy but in a sort-of "natural" way? But now I'm curious to see some other colors/patterns!
I was really taken with the expressiveness of these but kinda turned off by the mummified tongues, haha. Cool stuff.
I'm still obsessed with these li'l legs! They look perfectly lifelike! Not sure where I'd put them, but I do still think about them and I hope I see more like them again. Really good simple appreciation of form.
I was also really into these insect mounts! You don't usually see this amount of effort (AND COLOR!!!) put in to displaying bugs. If I see these again I'm definitely going to take a closer look and consider getting one. This booth also had a lot of cool dioramas involving mole skeletons in cute environments and driving aiships and stuff?? Clearly lots of love in these pieces. And it was really neat seeing how shovel-like their hands are, even down to the bone.
Okay, so what did I buy.
COOL FIND #1: A booth selling old bubblegum cards! I almost screamed when I saw they had a box of Little Shop of Horrors ones! I never thought I'd see these, so I bought 3 packs... and one for the Beetlejuice animated series which was also cute... and a green syringe pen just for funsies... ugh, I feel so taken advantage of.
Obviously Colin ate the 30-year-old gum.
COOLEST FIND: While flipping through a bunch of pelts, we uncovered A WHOLE LYNX???
It looks like someone was hoping to make a mount-grade pelt but failed! It still had paws (rare!!) but one front paw had two toes hanging on by a thread (and outside the bag in this photo), and one back leg was torn lengthwise all the way up. There are small holes in the skin, one armpit is totally hairless, and the whiskers and claws look ground down. But I don't mind! The tears are easy to sew up and the other flaws aren't really visible unless you look for them.
Apparently cats have thin skin, which must be hard to tan. So getting a perfect pelt would have cost at least three times what I paid for it. SUCH a cool catch! I knew within minutes of walking away from it that I was gonna wanna circle back and get it, haha.
Here's one paw I sewed back together. Currently it's chilling with me in the living room while I work on it. I love these giant paws so much... I gotta figure out how I want to display it. Personally I think a pelt split down the middle is more convenient, but it seems like higher-quality pelts don't do that, so I'm reluctant to cut mine. So now I just have this cool, dust-smelling cat tube to fold up like a sweater.
After we left the Expo, we also stopped by the Rabbit Show. We make so many different shapes of bunny. I think my favorites are the Tan breed (not pictured). We saw one get its face stuck in a cardboard ring (indeed pictured).
Speaking of bunnies! Someday I'd like to take one of the Expo's jackalope taxidermy classes, too. But they only offered a duckling project this year, which... I don't think I would enjoy. And god, I want a jackalope but it's weirdly hard to find a good one. I think it might depend on what kind of rabbit you use, cos I'd prefer a more wild look since they're more of a hunter's legend. I wanna try my hand at this and see firsthand what makes mounting rabbits so tricky.
Watching: Videos by this Youtuber who plays short indie horror games. I'm on Who's Lila? right now. I like the look and gameplay and it's pretty funny listening to high school characters talk tulpas. Hoping the philosophy angle goes somewhere interesting!
Seeing the stuff people make in Game Jams has me kinda curious about game-making. Ruh-roh.
Eating: Graham crackers. How are graham crackers so good? I always forget how good they are. They're just... graham.
April 12, 2022
I shouldn't be blogging I have a dentist appointment in the morning
So the OC Art Swap concluded and I GOT A TREASURE...
Thank you Cadavre for this extremely in-character Fiend. I love these wispy brush strokes! AND THE WAY THEY DREW THE SHOES, WEW. I'd jump right back in if this game gets held a second time.
Also, amazing news: We've officially received a Nielsen survey in the mail. With the $2 and everything. Finally we know where those statistics come from: ME. Gosh, I hope I get jury duty next.
Watching: Anna to the Infinite Power. Considering the concept, it feels like a cozy book.
April 10, 2022
Ich lieg' seit Tagen auf Geröll
My Abbys (Abbies? Abbees?) finally hatched their first eggs... AND THEY ARE NOT GREAT!
I can't be mad at them, they're too cute. Just disappointed. I do like the idea of a white vipera secondary with a bright green tert, though...
So uhh, I posted something quick and obnoxious about Neocities on Tumblr, and the post got way further away from me than I expected it to. Like, several thousand notes further. And it's been really fun reading the tags people put in the reblogs.
> There's the zoomers who never conceived that this was a thing-- "What? You can build your OWN website?"-- and are intimidated by learning code-- "HTML is like math, right?" (No!!)
> Then there's the 30s-ish people who remember doing this as kids and are thrilled to find out there's a modern solution. They're so fun to watch reminisce!
> Obviously any time a post gets big there's a few users who forget they're talking to a real person when they respond to it. "Yeah well, this cool thing you're excited about doesn't solve MY problems--" thinking I'll be their therapist instead of kicking them in the nuts. And then: I kick them in the nuts.
> Then there's....????
I'm as confused as you. But my best guess is that lead poisoning is making a comeback, baby!
ANYWAY... so glad that the word's getting out! I've heard from a few people now who are genuinely really taken with the idea and are going to encourage their friends. I think carving out our own little easy-going niches online will be really good for creativity and mental health.
I've been having a hell of a time concentrating this week, and I think I can chalk it up to having so much happening at once.
I have until July to plan a wedding party. We don't get to plan parties a lot, so it's become pretty clear we wanna take this opportunity to do a lot of cool stuff. Years of having my birthday in July and a mom who likes to order from Oriental Trading catalogues has primed me to think "summer party = RAINFOREST", so I'm leaning toward bright colors on dark green and eco-friendly tableware. Colin is leaning toward trying to dress as a wizard and organizing a DnD game for his friends. I think the latter part of that is a great idea, since my family is huge but doesn't like to talk to outsiders much.
Man, but it's stressful feeling the clock run out. I'm going to head home for Easter and see if I can get basic stuff like tables and catering nailed out. Also, I think any excuse for a party should be an excuse to rent a cotton candy machine.
We saw Everything Everywhere All At Once the other night and loved it. Colin walked out saying it made him cry and that it made him feel like being a nicer person. I said my favorite character was the daughter and he thought that was alarming, haha. But what can I say, I loved seeing her act like an ostentatious brat at the weight of infinite knowledge. Because of course I would. Also her outfits ruled??
Only issue is that we saw it the night it came out at the Gateway. Sooo... everyone else was a scruffy college student in floral shirts and jean jackets. You know... "film fans". Which you would think would mean a respectful group viewing, but the couple that sat directly behind us babbled pretentiously through the whole goddamn thing. FAKE FILM FANS.
That bothered me way more than it should have (AKA I was tempted to make a comic about it). Anyway, note to self: don't see hyped-up A24 movies until after the crowd disspiates.
We also saw X earlier in the week and enjoyed it, but haha I don't think I could stomach that one again. Lots of sex, as you might expect! The characters were entertaining, so I was glad it took its time leading up to the gore. Felt like some threads were left hanging, but nothing too important. The sets were pretty nice, too.
Our friends moved in to the house and seem to be settling in well!! They have decorations on a vintage 70s theme already set up, which is the polar opposite of the way I do things (hoarding a pile of stuff I think is cool and resolving to hang it up someday). So far the only really concerning part of the house is the outlets nestled into the baseboards, which I guess is a workaround for old homes where the walls are made of things too sturdy to be cut into. Gonna have that looked at soon.
And just as I was typing this entry, they found the Easter basket we snuck in the car. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA ENJOY YOUR CANDY BITCHES
Listening to: Alternating between Slaves' Are You Satisfied? and Viagra Boys' Welfare Jazz
March 18, 2022
Dusting off the dragons
It's spring!!! It's 70 degrees out and raining. My absolute favorite kind of weather. It's been awhile since I've felt this efforlessly chill. Chill has taken a lot of effort lately.
Last week we went to a friend's wedding in Florida. The Fort Lauderdale area is a shitshow, full of rude noveau-riche people who drive like they're jockeying for lifeboats on the Titanic. But our friends there are pretty cool, and we miss them. A lot of them are growing up, drinking less, and accomplishing cool things. We can not see them for years and they still feel cozy as hell.
I think I'm getting back into Flight Rising. I knew it was gonna happen sooner or later considering I was drawing Fritz and Zariya more, but it was gonna take a lot to get me to do daily clickables again, since a lot of what FR is good for is giving me concepts to play with on my own.
However: they really knocked it out of the park this time. And into my park. My awful, depraved, disgusting park.
Aberrations are making me go NUTS. There's so much story potential in a two-headed dragon. Plus, with that face shape, and the lanky body, and the vulturine fluff, and the dramatic determined breed disposition... They're tapping into a LOT of what makes Fiend so fun to work on. I think I have a new favorite dragon.
My first project was to turn this guy into an Abby:
(R.I.P. his silly little head bow, since Ancient breeds can't wear clothes... They should be allowed to wear head bows. Just saying.)
I'll work on getting him a primary gene that's dark enough to resemble the Poison he had originally, cos I liked how it contrasted. And then I got him a girlfriend!
I think they'll make fun babies. Aberrations are probably going to be pretty cheap once the hype wears off-- they're a common/treasure breed, which is a blessing and a curse for an enthusiast. So I can collect as many as I want! I also wanna get some with the Diamond primary (harlequin coloring!!! Different colored heads!!!!) and one with the Polypore tertiary (even though it kiiiinda bothers me that so few of the mushrooms tilt with the dragon's body).
Anyway. Very happy. Feel free to friend me on FR. I'm gonna go draw dumb stuff in my sketchbook and enjoy the evening.
Listening to: Junip's Fields
Eating: Two clementines-- in a ROW.
February 28, 2022
No I Won't Call It D-Town
A couple weeks ago I took a trip up to Detroit, which I am just finding the time to write about now. I'd never been, and it was a fuckin' blast. Just to touch on some highlights:
STOPPING IN COLUMBUS
Our friends found a pretty cool AirBnB as a waystation. I guess the theme was "midcentury horny biker Satanist"? I'm talking sleek, quality furniture, bike zines from years of collecting (anyone familiar with Smut Butt? The distinguished motorcyclist's publication?), skulls with crystals n' junk, a record collection full of 70s zone-out hits, and a basement door you were discouraged to pick the padlock on.
They had some stereotypical art like exploitation film posters and Francis Bacon paintings and copies of American Psycho, but also some really interesting big canvases that suggested genuine appreciation and a lot of throw-around money.
Oh, and enough houseplants to make me feel nervous.
Overall we were just fascinated by the kind of guy who furnished this place. And who stationed two giant portraits of naked women overlooking a so-called "mattress" that felt like a slab of rock. I think that was the punishment bedroom.
Plants in the shower. I worry about them.
I had not seen this around town before! Not sure I wanna know what this is about.
MICHIGAN
In Michigan I met FOUR NEW CATS, each uniquely beautiful and weird:
I also got to check out some excellent artsy hubs in Ferndale and Clawson. I kinda spent my whole time in this (huge) record store checking the track lists on these tapes. Oh my god, if I lived around here I would be swapping them all the time.
I was surprised more people didn't put more work into the sleeve art. Maybe all the prettiest ones got grabbed first? I still love some of these names. Naming a mix is probably even more important than what you put on it.
And then I got to check out a portion of the DIA Museum! Here's some dudes whose body language I found interesting.
And the REAL treat: I didn't get any pictures unfortunately, but there's a park where the birds are really bold and will land on your hand if you offer seeds. Like 4 or 5 tufted woodpeckers had perched on my fingers before we left. They all seemed to ignore the little seeds looking for big fatty pieces of peanut.
I also fed a turkey, and in doing took care not to smell like fear.
Later, I got to feed me.
Please be nice about how much salmon I eat.
A++++ I feel like I saw so much but still missed out on a lot. Would absolutely come back when it's warmer. Oh my GOD Michigan is cold right now. Here in Columbus we're in the 40s half the time.
Watching: Nico's Weg...
February 11, 2022
SKATING
I can't stop smiling today. There's a pop-up "skating rink" at the shopping center where you can rent skates for free and try ice skating! I've been kinda fixated on skating lately (trying to draw more fun physical stuff as opposed to story-based; wishing for more snow; rewatching Yuri!!! On Ice, which still rules; 2022 Winter Olympics) so I obviously begged Colin to go.
I haven't been skating since I was like 10 years old, and I don't remember being good at it! I was worried Colin wouldn't have fun-- we got our skates and he said "wow, only a single blade?"-- but he got his legs for it pretty fast. 15 minutes in, he was leading me around the rink and instructing me to stand "like you shit your pants".
He also ate shit a few times, and everyone enjoyed that. (The kids we were sharing the rink with offered to help, which was sweet but I think he would have preferred if they laughed with him.)
Anyway, that was a great way to start off errands. And kind of a workout, I even got warm enough to take off my coat! I kinda hope we can swing by again later, or find a real rink and see how it compares.
January 16, 2022
A blog post thrown from a speeding car
Hoo boy. Quick life updates:
- Colin and I are signing marriage papers on Thurday. For the insurance mainly, but also cos he's been extremely good to live with, I guess. I will not be taking his last name, though he's free to take mine.
- We're looking at buying a second house-- but for our friends? So that should be interesting.
- This week I hit a rich vein of hot new German music on Youtube, and right now I'm really enjoying this satirical rapper called Alligatoah. Hip-hop isn't usually my jam, but the songs are definitely groovy enough that I'm having fun listening to them over and over while learning the lyrics. He's also got a fantastich sense of humor and a pretty good voice-- all-around talented.
I found him through the "Nachbeben" (Aftershocks) video that just dropped. I LLLOVE the character he plays in this. Jealous I don't get to run around in a long coat playing evil Mr. Sandman.
- I read a Reddit comment that said you can practice being ambidextrous by using your non-dominant hand when brushing your teeth, so I've been doing that. Only choked on my toothbrush once so far!
January 4, 2022
She's got spirit
Tonight I tried to recreate a family brisket recipe and failed... well, not miserably, since it was edible and even tasty under certain home-cooked parameters, but it was not the taste I was aiming for.
The thing about cooking is: it's like chemistry. And I never took Chemistry in school, because it was an elective and I almost failed Physics. I am a maverick in the kitchen in the same way as a cowboy who squeezes a trigger into his waistband. My main mistake: the recipe called for regular brisket, but the grocery store only had corned brisket. I knew I was dooming myself from the get-go because I find corned beef's whole deal kind of nauseating, with its radioactive pinkness and uncomplicated salt profile... but oh god, when I unwrapped it and the brine felt like CORN SYRUP... Aaaahahahahaha ew no I mopped that up and covered it in onion powder like I was hiding a body in the woods.
I also bought fresh parsley, but Colin had put it in the cupboard instead of the fridge. RIP.
The green beans came out alright, though, even if I steamed them too long! Thankfully my chronically-overcooked childhood has made me pretty tolerant of limp vegetables. A recipe I found recommended "blooming" red pepper flakes in the oil, and that (plus a healthy amount of garlic) made those beans more addictive than the ones I had at Christmas.
Whew. It is not right for me to be this bad at food.
My Last.fm year-in-review came in! It's much less exciting than Spotify's, but if you like numbers, hey, it's got numbers. In 2021 I listened to a lot of "comfort food"-type music. I was honestly just looking to feel cool and stable. I leaned on Ben Folds a lot. Here's a li'l chart of my big albums of the year:
TapMusic.net
Watching: Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2021. I'm shocked at how much weird stuff I forgot happened in the last 12 months.
List
My browser bookmarks are a black hole. Stuff I wanna check up on later:
Books
Between Two Fires by Christopher buehlmann
Dissipatio H.G. (The Vanishing) by Guido Morselli
Movies
Lubezki's Roma
Shows
Childhood's End
|
July 2, 2001 Welcome to my site! I hope you like it!
^ *~*~*Vaporeon*~*~* |
