October 15, 2022

PORTLAND DAY 3: out to market

Before you read this one, I'd like for you to open this song in your browser. This was playing in Psychic Sister and it nearly made me boogie myself into an asylum.

My firmest request when we were planning stuff to do was to visit a Weird Donut Place. I wasn't thinking necessarily Voodoo, but that's obviously what comes to mind.

We got there early and there was barely a line! We were all kinda bowled over by the options. The decor is self-evidently top-notch-- The donut stained glass could have been designed better, but points for concept. And I'm still trying to figure out what this building used to be before it got painted pink.

I got 2 donuts: a classic raised glazed and a Ring of Fire, which was spicy chocolate and pretty goddamn delicious. Neat design, too. It would take me three sessions to finish it because the cayenne kept making my lips tingle, haha.


People say it's overrated, but honestly the quality and pricing seemed reasonable for the fun factor. I wanna go back and try a lot!


This was the biggest fuck-off farmer's market I've ever been to. It felt like 100 tents-- produce, pastries, all kinds of meat and eggs and milk, artisanal alcohols, mushroom chocolate, other stuff I'd never heard of, something horrible called "drinking vinegar", anything you can put CBD in... I got a bunch of tiny table grapes and a pear. They cost $1.90. The grapes were good. I don't know why I keep thinking I can have fun eating a pear.

My other sister and her boyf were looking for coffee, and both tents had long lines. We really liked this one with the post-apocalyptic setup and steam-powered-looking coffee gadget.

Biggest zucchini I've ever met. Who do you even feed this to.

This beagle kept trying to put her belly on the grass and kept getting pulled back up to her feet. I don't understand what was happening there. ...I also don't know why I assumed the dog is female.

Dad got a lemonade that tasted like honey in a plastic cup that we was supposed to return. They're so conscientious about waste in Portland. There are very few public trash cans though, which I would think would still be important for cleanliness. But when I asked Jaq for a plastic grocery bag yesterday, she didn't have any to spare because they seriously only use reusable bags. (I offered to send them some.) It really made me feel like a loser for never remembering to take ours out of the car. She even composts! She is the LAST person I would trust to compost. I really like how Portland enhanced her, and it seems like she does, too.


Amazing selection. If I lived around here, I'd pick up sooo many flowers and animal bits.

Next up: Art market! Apparently these huge fairs are just... constant. Unfortunately, a lot of the art sucked. I was surprised! Lots of mediocre paintings, uninspired hippie crafts, hoodies with trees on them, plus one guy claiming to be selling "vintage" band t-shirts that were clearly digitally printed. (Jaq says the term "vintage" is used very loosely here.) I was definitely expecting a more vibrant scene. But maybe the cutting-edge people aren't the ones signing up for art fairs-- I know they rarely do at home.

Plus, when you live in a place this beautiful you probably don't spend a lot of time inside making art. My other sister said she noticed that compared to Ohio, she was seeing very few people actually wearing band shirts. We HAVE to stay inside and make shit until the next basement show.

Very in love with these little trees.

Street preacher!

I got a smoothie, and Jaq and I went halfsies on some freeze-dried gummy worms. Apparently freeze-drying candy makes it expand like a corn puff. I ended up paying $20 for 16 pieces of candy, which we knew wasn't cost-effective... but I wanted to bring some back for Colin! (When I got home, he gratefully and terrifyingly chowed them all down within minutes.)

I also got a little Vitruvian Lizard print. I'm such a sucker for this guy's classic art mixed with lizards.

I don't know what was going on with this guy. I never saw anyone slap him. Should I hope he got a lot of business, or.


Ehh, mostly lowest common denominator stuff. But it spanned 3 blocks, and it could be a nice place to get lunch and walk around.

Speaking of lunch-- for that, we went to... THE ASYLUM.

[thunder rumbles]

It's a walled-in food truck colony/dining hall. I got beef pad prik king, which made me very happy.


Cool concept, weirdly cozy! It was very prudent of them to park a dessert truck in the dining area.

Us cool kids shrugged off the tired kids and went to check out the thrifting scene. I'd been waiting this whole trip for a good chance to window-shop. My face was sore from pressing against the car window ogling sexy storefronts on the way to other stuff.

I loved this shirt so much. If it wasn't giant on me, and also like $30...

Portland seems to have no shortage of streets packed with small shops and restaurants. We found a place that sells twee flowers and mushroom stuff, a thrift store my sister went insane for, a knicknack store I really liked the vibe of, and the amazing, tucked-in-an-alley PSYCHIC SISTER.

This place is not for me and it RULES. It's behind a dark curtain. Then you got the witch rocks. You got the pamphlets on how to do transmogrification. You got the books about the moon. You got the plus-size pants. You got the ostentatious seventies gowns. It is fully-realized. It is sexy. It is strong. It is a great place to start a cult. I love this place so much.

And it was playing that fucking song the entire time. It was its own dimension. I was basically having an out-of-body experience in there.

How cool is that dressing room?!? The side table has a little bell you can ring to, I don't know, summon your friends while they're half-dressed.

I'm not great at thrifting, most secondhand clothes are too frilly or scratchy for me. But I did pick up one of these @esotericbumperstickers. (DON'T WAIT!)


Incredible, even if they all close at like 5 because everyone is night-hiking or whatever.

Then we went to dinner at some fancy chain restaurant I'd never heard of. This was the first time I saw a Portland shopping center, which was identical to every shopping center in America, except for how profane it felt to be in after the last three days. I ordered a slightly unplesant poke bowl. It was for my dad's birthday, and they gave him a card signed by all the employees. I would love to be a fly on the wall in the office of the guy who decided that was normal.


The Flipper House would love this.